- Jenna Maroney: Me, my ass double, and a drill that once appeared on "Home Improvement" are currently starring in a feature film called "Take My Hand."
- Jack Donaghy: Really? Years ago, Universal had a project by that name. It was a romantic comedy with Reese Witherspoon and Patrick Dempsey.
- Jenna Maroney: Reese Witherspoon is just a likable version of me.
- Jack Donaghy: Then she dropped out and it was re-written as a buddy comedy with Dempsey and Josh Hartnett. But everyone fell asleep during the table read. So we moved it over to Telemundo, where they tried to turn it into a variety show hosted by a supermodel and a soccer ball with a mustache...
- Jenna Maroney: I met that soccer ball once at a no-hands-allowed sex party.
- Jack Donaghy: Then, after another round of re-writes, it was picked up by our low-budget thriller/high-budget porno division, SplatterFlicks. And now it's a horror movie starring
- [reads from his computer]
- Jack Donaghy: "any blonde actress."
- Jenna Maroney: Thank you.
- Liz Lemon: You wore a penis hat to Princess Diana's funeral!
- Tracy Jordan: Because I wore it to her wedding! It meant something to the three of us!
- Jack Donaghy: [Jack explains to Liz what's wrong with TV] Fifteen million dollars - so far - developing a show called "Who Nose?" about an investigative reporter who can't smell, and has to get the story using only his eyes, ears, and other senses...
- Jake Hu: [Cut to a scene from the "Who Nose?" pilot] You underestimated me, Congressman, because I can't smell. But you made one mistake: you let me *see* the documents.
- Frank Rossitano: Oh, so you're doing a torture-porn thing - like Saw.
- Jenna Maroney: Exactly! In fact, the producers of this movie rented Saw and watched it.