- Dwight Schrute: Thank you, thanks so much. Um, I wanna dedicate this award to something that uh... we take for granted in our daily lives, and that is the humble trash can. This is for you trash can!
- [tosses his Dundie in a trash can]
- Deangelo Vickers: [shouting into microphone] I wanna th- I wanna- I feel truly blessed, uh, to be working with all of you. You know, before this all started, uhh funny story I was in the bathroom, vomiting and vomiting in that men's room.
- Restaurant Manager: Okay...
- Deangelo Vickers: [shouting] That's why it's been shut down for most of the evening.
- Restaurant Manager: That's it!
- Michael Scott: This is important, he's expressing himself.
- Deangelo Vickers: [shouting] Deangelo, hosts don't get Dundies.
- Restaurant Manager: No!
- Deangelo Vickers: [shouting] This, this is truly special for me...
- Michael Scott: No, just let him...
- [manager unplugs amp]
- Deangelo Vickers: [still shouting] And, uhh, anyway. It's so much lighter...!
- Michael Scott: Okay, we're done. That's it.
- Michael Scott: Well we should head out.
- Meredith Palmer: No, no, no, you gotta stay. I have Vienna Sausages, and I have napkins. Let me fix you breakfast.
- Michael Scott: Guys! I want you to help us work on some banter.
- Kevin Malone: Yes! I love banter. But I hate witty banter.
- Michael Scott: Here we go! So, DeAngelo! You and I have a lot in common. You lost two hundred pounds, and I lose my car keys every morning.
- Deangelo Vickers: That is true, we do share some similarities. I know how you can fix one of those problems, for me it was portion control. For you, you need a key chain. Maybe one with a...
- Michael Scott: [cutting him off] Okay, okay. You know what, I didn't actually lose my keys.
- Deangelo Vickers: This did not happen.
- Michael Scott: Mmmmkay. There needs to be what you call a rat-a-tat. And right now it's all rat and no tat. Ryan come on up here. Tap DeAngelo out. Just watch this. Okay.
- [Ryan stands next to Michael up front]
- Michael Scott: Ryan how are you today?
- Ryan Howard: Why don't you ask my therapist? My mom certainly pays her enough.
- Michael Scott: There you go! Lovely! Regis and Kelly! Nice! Use that as an inspiration. Just be funny.
- Deangelo Vickers: Uhhh, you sir!
- [points to Jim]
- Deangelo Vickers: Are we having fun tonight?
- Jim Halpert: Having a great time.
- Deangelo Vickers: Oh good!
- Jim Halpert: Thanks, yeah.
- Deangelo Vickers: Where were you on September 11th?
- Michael Scott: No! God!
- [Jim looks at him oddly]
- Deangelo Vickers: This is so weird! If I'm conducting a meeting, good to go. But if I think of it as a performance... I-I fall apart. Obviously.
- Andy Bernard: Why don't you think of hosting the Dundies like you're just running a meeting.
- Michael Scott: No, no, no! This is the performance of your life!
- Jim Halpert: Why don't you just, privately, in your own head, think of it like a meeting.
- Michael Scott: Jim, please no loopholes.
- Darryl Philbin: Mike, why do you have to control how he perceives it in his mind?
- Michael Scott: This is my last Dundies ever. If I want mind control over him, is that too much to ask?
- Michael Scott: Anything can happen at the Dundies.
- Deangelo Vickers: Ha ha ho!
- Michael Scott: They're like the Golden Globes but less mean. And I just want us to all have a good time.
- Michael Scott: [deleted scene] Danny could not be here tonight to accept his award, so he is live via satellite! Oh, Danny! Are you there?