We're the Millers (2013)

Ed Helms: Brad Gurdlinger

Photos 

Quotes 

• David Clark : [On the phone]  We're at the Corrales Regional Medical Center in the middle of Buttfuck, New Mexico.

  Brad Gurdlinger : Why?

  David Clark : Why? Why? Because this goddamn Kenny kid got his fucking nuts bit by a giant-ass spider, that's why!

  Brad Gurdlinger : That is amazing. Will you let me know if he develops any superpowers?

• David Clark : What the fuck is that?

  Brad Gurdlinger : Oh, my orca. Yeah, I bought an orca. I make a lot of money.

  David Clark : So you bought a whale?

  Brad Gurdlinger : Well, I don't like sports cars.

• Brad Gurdlinger : Listen, this is a fucked up situation. But, I might have a win-win situation for both of us.

  David Clark : Great.

  Brad Gurdlinger : I have a smidge of very choice marijuana down in Mexico, and I need it here by Sunday night, but my regular currier is unavailable on the account of the fact he got gunned down. Anyway, that's where you come in.

• Brad Gurdlinger : Go for B-Rad

  David Clark : Hey Brad, what the fuck!

  Brad Gurdlinger : Uh oh, something wrong?

  David Clark : Yeah, something's wrong. Something's very, very wrong. You said a smidge of pot, and this is not a smidge.

  Brad Gurdlinger : Smidge and half, no?

  David Clark : Look, you got me moving enough weed to kill Willie fucking Nelson, man. Ok, they are used a god damn bucket brigade to put it on the RV as we speak!

  Brad Gurdlinger : Wait, you just walked in there, told them you were picking up for Pablo Chacon, and they were like "Yeah, no problem?"

  David Clark : Why do you sound suprized by this?

• David Clark : Who the fuck is Pablo Chacon?

  Brad Gurdlinger : I am. Yo soy Pablo Chacon. You don't get a lot of respect from the Mexicans when your name is Brad Gurdlinger, right?

• Brad Gurdlinger : It's all here! I'm blown away David, great job. But it's late, deadline was last night, so... sorry buddy. No deal.

  David Clark : Brad, I almost got killed over this shit twice.

  Brad Gurdlinger : Look, i'm not gonna be an asshole about this. I got two tons of premium weed, and yes you got Chacon pinched in the process, which is a huge win for team Brad. So how about we shake hands and call it even?

  David Clark : You were never gonna pay me, were you?

  Brad Gurdlinger : Is that a dick move? I can never tell anymore.

  [DEA team then breaks in and arrests everybody] 

  Brad Gurdlinger : [as Brad is being handcuffed]  You double crossed me!

  David Clark : Kind of a dick move. right?

• Brad Gurdlinger : [On the phone with David]  I'm just getting some singing lessons from my main man Ben Folds Five. Ain't that right Ben Folds Five?

  Ben Folds - Piano Teacher : My name is Ben Folds. "Five" is the name of the band.

  Brad Gurdlinger : Remember the song we used to listen to? 'She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly' I've fucking got the guy. He's like my personal bitch.

  Ben Folds - Piano Teacher : This gig sucks.

  Brad Gurdlinger : Don't talk to me like that. I will have you killed and no one will miss your fucking nerd music.