Eric & Ernie (2011 TV Movie)

Daniel Rigby: Eric Morecambe

Quotes 

• Eric Morecambe : Was it dark?

  Ernie Wise : Was what dark?

  Eric Morecambe : Hiding in Churchill's cigar box until the War was over.

• [Arthur is being carried off stage] 

  Ernie Wise : Poor Arthur.

  Eric Morecambe : He must've tripped over Des O'Connor.

• Eric Morecambe : What do you think of it so far?

  Audience Member : Rubbish!

• [Eric and Ernie have just done their first television show and it has received very poor newspaper reviews. Even Eric's mother thinks it was a disaster] 

  Sadie Bartholomew : [shouting]  I can't show me face outside the house! I think we're going to have to move! I told you time and time again to trust your own material! I drummed it into you! And what do you do the moment me back's turned? You forget *everything*!

  [Eric walks off and finds his dad sitting alone] 

  Eric Morecambe : Can I borrow your bike?

  George Bartholomew : Where are you planning on going?

  Eric Morecambe : Anywhere that they don't have televisions.

  George Bartholomew : You could try Barrow-on-Furness. You'll soon be back - people'll forget.

  Eric Morecambe : They won't forget this.

  [Eric shows George a newspaper cutting of a TV critic's article] 

  Eric Morecambe : Here, read that.

  George Bartholomew : "Definition of a TV - the box they buried Morecambe and Wise in last night". You know what I think. There's nothing harder to find than yesterday's paper.

• [Eric and his mother discuss the disastrous TV series] 

  Sadie Bartholomew : How long are you going to keep this up - this sulking malarkey. You used to sulk when I made you wear that schoolboy outfit - right up till when it got you a big laugh.

  Eric Morecambe : Television isn't about dressing up as a schoolboy and singing, you know.

  Sadie Bartholomew : Well it certainly isn't about being funny. Not if what I saw you two do is anything to go by.

  Eric Morecambe : [sarcastically]  Don't go easy on me just because we're related, will you.

  Sadie Bartholomew : I don't know how to soft-pedal - it's not in me nature.

  Eric Morecambe : You don't have to tell me that.

  Sadie Bartholomew : I'm hard on you because you and Ernie are better than that. When I saw you on that television show, doing that *tripe*... Biggest break? Your chance? You forgot everything. You and Ernie *know* what's funny. You know what plays funny, you know what tells funny. You must have known deep-down that material was not funny.

  Eric Morecambe : What d'you want me to say?

  Sadie Bartholomew : You could start by telling me I'm right.

  [Ernie is lost for words. He knows his mother is right but he can't admit it] 

  Eric Morecambe : I'm sorry if you feel we've let you down.

  Sadie Bartholomew : I'll get over it. Will you?

• Usherette : So, what went wrong with the telly show, lads?

  Eric Morecambe : Scripts, cast, music, director, lighting.

  Usherette : Apart from that, it were great, eh?