Office Christmas Party (2016)
Kate McKinnon: Mary
Photos
Quotes
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Josh Parker : [re Mary's mini-van] Can this thing handle snow?
Mary : Oh, please. It's a Kia. It's what God would drive.
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Mary : [enters the empty, now-trashed office] Hey, guys, I got doughnuts! I got, uh, jelly and glazed and, uh, some other stuff. But no Cronuts, that's a bastard pastry.
[runs into Jeremy]
Jeremy : I still hate your rules. But your dancing is wild and free. Like an unmanned fire hose.
Mary : [looks at him below his waist] Put your pants on.
[turns/walks away]
Mary : For now.
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Mary : [after getting into an argument with Jeremy] I know why you took a medical leave.
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Mary : [grabs Josh's arm to stop him from leaving the mini-van] Because I don't know what's gonna happen in there. Last year, I filed a sexual harassment complaint against myself.
Josh Parker : Against yourself. Mmm-hmm.
Mary : Andrew, in the copy room, he was changing the toner. And I pretended to drop something on the ground so that I could bend over and graze his butt with my nose. And I did.
Josh Parker : That doesn't seem that bad.
Mary : And then I said, "If you don't fuck me, buster, I will ruin you."
Josh Parker : Hmm. That's harassment.
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Nate : [to the girls Tim and Drew are trying to seduce] They're full of shit, okay? They're not your soulmates. They just hacked your Facebook.
Tim : [to the girls] That's horseshit!
Drew : Unbelievable. So uncool.
Tim : [as the girls get up to leave] Hey, wait!
Drew : No, no, no! Girls!
Wendy : [to Tim and Drew] I knew you didn't like the Gilmore Girls.
[the girls leave]
Nate : [to Tim and Drew] Okay, I'm gonna need both of you assclowns to hack into Clay's phone so we can find him.
Tim : Come on, why would we help you, dude? Seriously?
Drew : Yeah, why would we help you?
Nate : [grabs Tim by the collar] Because I'm your fucking boss, and I'm telling you to.
Drew : [turns to Mary] He can't touch him!
Mary : I'll allow it.
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Josh Parker : Mary, why do you even have a minivan? You don't have kids.
Mary : I buy in bulk!
