- Janey Harper: Kenzo, if you keep sucking your thumb like that, you're going to end up with splayed and distorted teeth. You're going to look like Shrek!
- Kenzo Harper: Cool!
- Janey Harper: You're nearly 9 and that's way too old to be sucking your thumb.
- Kenzo Harper: How old are you?
- Janey Harper: Nearly 30.
- Kenzo Harper: That's too old to be sleeping with a teddy bear!
- Kenzo Harper: I'll tell you what - if I give up sucking my thumb, will you give up Mr Digsby?
- Janey Harper: Kenzo, that's not the same thing! You know, Mr Digsby, he's... he's like a part of me!
- Kenzo Harper: Er, and my thumb isn't?
- Susan Harper: Can you help me unpack this stuff?
- Janey Harper: Oh, sorry, mum. I'm taking Kenzo shopping for a new blazer.
- Kenzo Harper: Mummy says that when she's buying dresses for herself!
- Janey Harper: [laughs] Listen to him! I'm a great, sensitive, caring mother... Ooh, can I take those chicken Kievs? I've got to feed the kid tonight!
- Ben Harper: Susan! Look! I d... This is a miracle! A miracle! I'm getting money... from the council! Cheques!
- Susan Harper: Let me see!
- Ben Harper: Mmhmm!
- Susan Harper: [Looks at the cheques] These are benefit cheques. They think you're disabled.
- Ben Harper: I know!
- Susan Harper: Mentally.
- Ben Harper: ...and physically.
- Susan Harper: That's crazy.
- Ben Harper: I know!
- Susan Harper: Well, you'll just have to give them back.
- Ben Harper: No, I don't!
- Susan Harper: What?
- Ben Harper: How do we know they've made a mistake?
- Susan Harper: Well, we know because you're not disabled!
- Ben Harper: I have a weak shoulder.
- Susan Harper: I have a distressed toenail, but I'm not taking £384 off the taxpayer for it.
- Ben Harper: Karma works in very funny ways, Susan. Perhaps this money is coming to me for being a good person.
- Susan Harper: The kind of good person that steals from the disabled?
- Ben Harper: You have a horrible negativity about you sometimes that really brings people down!
- Susan Harper: Well, I'm sure I'll cheer up once you're incarcerated for fraud!
- Ben Harper: I sometimes wonder whose side you're on.
- Susan Harper: Well, we're always facing each other - what's that tell you?
- Ben Harper: What is the point of having an announcement telling people which desk to go to when you're the only person working here?
- Council Official: Did you come here specifically to ask that, sir?
- Ben Harper: No, but it's a fair point.
- Susan Harper: What are you grinning about? It's really disconcerting!
- Ben Harper: I'm smiling because I'm thinking how happy you're going to be with me when you see your present!
- Susan Harper: Putting sealant around the bath does not qualify as a present.
- Rosemary: I'm looking for Ben Harper. Is he in?
- Michael Harper: He's the lazy git over there on the sofa!
- Rosemary: Oh, and you are?
- Michael Harper: I'm his son - the unpaid slave!
- Rosemary: And I've arranged for a physio to come round on Wednesdays to give you some deep tissue massage.
- Ben Harper: Oh, there's really no need.
- Rosemary: She can be here at 5.
- Ben Harper: She? I'll be ready!
- Ben Harper: Let's face it, baby! We're on a runaway train heading fast out of town! And the only way to keep going is to keep stoking that engine or it's a one-way ticket to the clanger for both of us!
- Susan Harper: I haven't a clue what you just said!
- Ben Harper: Me neither!