- Zack: You know, I saw this great thing on the Discovery Channel. Turns out that if you kill a starfish, it'll just come back to life.
- Sheldon Cooper: Was the starfish wearing boxer shorts? Because you might have been watching Nickelodeon.
- Zack: No, I'm almost sure that it was the Discovery Channel. It was a great show. They also said dolphins might be smarter than people.
- Leonard Hofstadter: They might be smarter than some people.
- Zack: Maybe we can do an experiment to find out.
- Sheldon Cooper: That's easy enough. We need a large tank of water, a hoop to jump through, and a bucket of whatever bite-sized treats you find tasty.
- [the guys laugh at him]
- Zack: I don't get it.
- Leonard Hofstadter: A dolphin might.
- Zack: Oh, I see. You guys are inferring that I'm stupid.
- Sheldon Cooper: That's not correct. We were implying it. You then inferred it.
- Zack: Look up in the sky. It's a bird. It's a plane.
- [Zack jumps into Sheldon and Leonard's apartment in his Superman costume]
- Zack: I forget the rest.
- Penny: [Enters wearing a Wonder Woman costume with a low-cut top] All right. Let's get this thing over with.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry. But in what universe is Wonder Woman blonde?
- Howard Wolowitz: Relax. No one's gonna be looking at her hair.
- [Penny punches Wolowitz in his shoulder]
- Howard Wolowitz: Ow! I mean...
- Howard Wolowitz: [in gravelly voice] Ow.
- Howard Wolowitz: Okay, the good news is, we have a Wonder Woman.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh.
- Raj Koothrappali: Yes.
- Sheldon Cooper: What's the bad news?
- Howard Wolowitz: Superman probably isn't getting laid tonight.
- Zack: [Looks down at his Superman costume] Aw, damn.
- Sheldon Cooper: Amy Farrah Fowler doesn't believe in wearing costumes. She isn't the free spirit I am.
- Leonard Hofstadter: If it makes you feel any better, when I was dating Penny, she used to flip out on me all the time.
- Zack: Whoa! You dated Penny?
- Leonard Hofstadter: She didn't tell you?
- Zack: She told me she dated a guy named Leonard; who would have thought it was you?
- Penny: I'm still mad at you.
- Zack: Well, you won't be when you hear the great news.
- Penny: What great news?
- Zack: We're going to a costume party at the comic book store on New Years Eve, and you get to be Wonder Woman.
- Sheldon Cooper: Complete with bulletproof bracelets and lasso of truth. Invisible plane sold separately.
- Raj Koothrappali: Oh, great. No Superman, no Wonder Woman? All we've got is a skinny Flash, an Indian Aquaman, a nearsighted Green Lantern, and a teeny, tiny Dark Knight.
- Sheldon Cooper: Obviously, we're no longer a Justice League. We have no choice but to switch to our Muppet Baby costumes.
- Raj Koothrappali: Ooh, I call Kermit.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm Kermit. You're Scooter.
- Raj Koothrappali: Oh, man. Scooter sucks. He's the Aquaman of the Muppet Babies.
- Howard Wolowitz: We can still make this work. Leonard, you talk to Penny.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What makes you think *I* can convince her.
- Howard Wolowitz: You got her to have sex with you; obviously your super-power is brainwashing.
- Howard Wolowitz: [in gravelly voice] I'm Batman.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, I hardly think so. The real Caped Crusader calls his crime-fighting cohorts when he's running late.
- Howard Wolowitz: I had to walk. I couldn't get Raj on the back of my scooter.
- [Raj walks inside in his Aquaman costume with attached seahorse]
- Raj Koothrappali: I've said this before and I'll say it again, Aquaman sucks.
- [last lines]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Look, I know our winter thermostat setting is seventy-two degrees, but I'm a little warm so I'm going to turn it down.
- Sheldon Cooper: [runs to the Grand Canyon as The Flash] Good Lord, how you frustrate me, Leonard Hofstadter!
- [runs back to the apartment and becomes himself]
- Sheldon Cooper: Fine.
- Zack: I haven't been to a comic book store in literally a million years.
- Sheldon Cooper: Literally? Literally a million years?
- [first lines]
- Raj Koothrappali: [playing a card] Water Demon.
- Howard Wolowitz: [playing a card] Ice Dragon.
- Leonard Hofstadter: [playing a card] Lesser Warlord of Ka'a.
- Sheldon Cooper: Not so fast.
- [playing a card]
- Sheldon Cooper: Infinite Sheldon.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Infinite Sheldon?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yes. Infinite Sheldon, it beats all other cards - and does not violate the rule against homemade cards because I made it at work.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You understand why people don't want to play with you?
- Sheldon Cooper: No. Although it's a question I've been pondering since preschool.
- Howard Wolowitz: Check it out; those guys are breaking into that car'
- Leonard Hofstadter: What should we do?
- Sheldon Cooper: We're the Justice League of America. There's only one thing we *can* do: turn around and slowly walk away.
- Zack: [entering the comic book store] Where do they keep the Archies?
- Sheldon Cooper: In the bedrooms of ten-year-old girls, where they belong.
- Zack: Oh, no, you're thinking old-school Archie. It's much more sophisticated now. Like, there's two universes, and Archie's married to Betty in one and Veronica in the other. Midge is even breaking up with Moose.
- Penny: [after the guys make fun of Zack] You know, for a group of guys who claim to have been bullied, you can be real jerks. Shame on all of you.
- [she storms out]
- Raj Koothrappali: [having not said a word] What the hell did I do?
- Penny: [poking her head back in] You laughed.
- Sheldon Cooper: Wonder Woman was an Amazon. And Amazons tend to be very beefy gals.
- Penny: Goodbye, Sheldon!
- [slams the door]
- Sheldon Cooper: But they're not blond, so put on your wig!
- Leonard Hofstadter: [about apologizing to Zack] What would I even say?
- Sheldon Cooper: "Zack, I'm sorry you're stupid. Have a Milk Dud."
- Raj Koothrappali: A Milk Dud?
- Sheldon Cooper: Yeah. Milk Duds, with their self-deprecating name and remarkably mild flavor are the most apologetic of the boxed candies.
- Stuart: You guys finally chip in for a bodyguard?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Uh, no. Oh, this is Zack; he's... a friend of ours. Zack, this is Stuart; he owns the store.
- Zack: Wow! Lucky you.
- Stuart: Yeah! I work seventy hours a week and average a dollar sixty-five an hour.
- Zack: Sweet!
- Stuart: Is that sarcasm?
- Howard Wolowitz: Uh, no, it's an indictment of the American education system,
- Leonard Hofstadter: Were we bullying Zack?
- Howard Wolowitz: No, I know bullying. He left here unswirlied and his ass crack was underpants-free.
- Raj Koothrappali: And nobody drew a penis on his forehead.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That happened to you?
- Raj Koothrappali: First day of cricket camp. They drew it so the testicles were my eyes.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You can't replace me with Zack.
- Sheldon Cooper: Why not? Penny did.
- Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, she seems happier. Why wouldn't we be?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Listen, you don't have to wear the wig. At this party, we're gonna win first prize just by showing up with a girl.
- Sheldon Cooper: It occurs to me that we might have an opportunity to finally snare Best Group Costume if we shore up our weak link, which is clearly Leonard as Superman.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Hey, I got new boots this year, guaranteed to add 3 inches.
- Sheldon Cooper: That's sad. Let's ask ourselves, is there anyone we know who would make a more manly and convincing son of Krypton?
- Stuart Bloom: Than Leonard in high-heel boots? Howard's mother in high-heel boots?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Fine, if Zack's going to be Superman, I want to be Green Lantern.
- Raj Koothrappali: But I'm Green Lantern.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You can be Aquaman.
- Raj Koothrappali: I don't want to be Aquaman. He sucks. He sucks underwater. He sucks fish pee.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Excuse me, I believe Aquaman uses his telepathic powers to request the fish do their business elsewhere.