- Claire Dunphy: [as Juliana] Now, make up some lie, ditch that wife of yours and meet me at our hotel in 30 minutes. You think you can manage that?
- Phil Dunphy: [as Clive Bixby] Baby doll, I've been lying to my wife for 16 years.
- Phil Dunphy: [as Clive Bixby] Never did catch what you do.
- Claire Dunphy: [as Juliana] Didn't you?
- Phil Dunphy: Surprising, I know. I'm usually pretty good at catching things from women in bars.
- Jay Pritchett: Honey, I love all this, but you can't win Valentine's Day. I mean, you defeat the whole idea if you make it into some silly competition.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Shut up, I win.
- Manny Delgado: I'm playing the long game here - like me today, love me tomorrow. She's had the romantic; she's had the intellectual. How 'bout all that in one fine little brown package?
- Jay Pritchett: This is 50 bucks. Do *not* give us a table.
- Maitre D': What's the money for?
- Jay Pritchett: You also must refuse my wife. She is very persuasive.