- Reverend TimTom: [singing] "Jesus was a teenager, too. Beneath the long hair and pimples, King of the Jews. A lonely teenage savior no one could understand. Awkward on the outside, but inside a wise young man. Yeah, Jesus was a teenager, too."
- Axl Heck: God, what is going on? It's supposed to be Spring! Where is global warming when you need it?
- Mike Heck: All right. Mingle on three! One! Two...
- Brick Heck: Is that a sports thing again?
- Mike Heck: Seriously, Brick, you read a hundred books a day. Can't one of them be about sports?
- Reverend TimTom: I'm leaving 'cause I gotta keep roving. That's who I am, TimTom the Roving Rev. I hear there are a lot of troubled teens in Dayton, so I gotta move on.
- Sue Heck: But I just found you and now you're leaving? You gave me hope, and now everything just seems impossible.
- Reverend TimTom: You know, if you take the "Im" off of impossible, what do you get?
- Sue Heck: Im.
- Reverend TimTom: No, the other half.
- Sue Heck: Possible.
- Reverend TimTom: That's right, Sue Heck. Possible.
- Sue Heck: You remembered my name. You only met me twice and you remembered my name. That's why you have to stay. You get me.
- Old Man: I've been looking for you. You know, some people like to use ladybugs as their pest control. I like poison. Good old American poison.