The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Pants Alternative (2010)

Kunal Nayyar: Raj Koothrappali

Quotes 

• Sheldon : Problem.

  Leonard : What?

  Sheldon : They expect me to give a speech at the banquet. I can't give a speech.

  Howard Wolowitz : No, you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time. What you can't do is shut up.

  Raj Koothrappali : Yeah, before the movie you did 20 minutes on why guacamole turns brown. It turned brown while you were talking.

• Raj Koothrappali : OK, Sheldon, I'm going to be leading you through a series of meditation exercises. These methods come from the ancient gurus of India and have helped me overcome my own fears.

  Sheldon : And yet you can't speak to women.

  Raj Koothrappali : True, but thanks to meditation I'm able to stay in the same room with them without urinating.

• [first lines] 

  Raj Koothrappali : OK, in Avatar when they have sex on Pandora they hook up their ponytails, so we know their ponytails are like their junk.

  Howard Wolowitz : Yeah, so?

  Raj Koothrappali : So, when they ride horses and fly on their birds, they also use their ponytails.

  Howard Wolowitz : What's your point?

  Raj Koothrappali : My point is if I were a horse or a bird I'd be very nervous around James Cameron.

• Raj Koothrappali : Okay, Sheldon, I'm going to be leading you through a series of meditation exercises. These methods come from the ancient gurus of India and have helped me overcome my own fears.

  Sheldon : And yet you can't speak to women.

  Raj Koothrappali : But thanks to meditation I'm able to stay in the same room with them without urinating. Now, ahem, close your eyes.

  Sheldon : Okay, but don't punch me... When I was little my sister would say: "Close your eyes, you'll get a surprise." And then she'd punch me.

  Raj Koothrappali : I'm not going to punch you.

  Sheldon : That's what my sister used to say.