The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Wheaton Recurrence (2010)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
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Sheldon Cooper : You did this, didn't you?
Wil Wheaton : You think I would really break up a couple just to win a bowling match?
Sheldon Cooper : No, I suppose not.
Wil Wheaton : Good. Keep thinking that.
Sheldon Cooper : [under his breath] Wheaton!
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Sheldon Cooper : Penny, reminder. Bowling, tonight at seven o'clock.
Penny : Oh, right. Bowling.
Leonard Hofstadter : Uh, you don't have to come if you don't want to.
Penny : No, no, it's okay. I mean, let's face it, you guys would get creamed without me.
Sheldon Cooper : We would indeed. In this particular case your lack of femininity works to our advantage.
Penny : Always nice chatting with you, Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : Sarcasm?
Penny : Thinly-veiled contempt.
Sheldon Cooper : Remember: seven o'clock!
Penny : Got it!
Sheldon Cooper : Pacific Daylight Time.
Penny : Bite me!
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Leonard Hofstadter : Could we please talk about something else? Maybe something vaguely related to life as we know it on this planet?
Howard Wolowitz : Okay, how about this for a topic: Why is Leonard being a giant douche? Assuming giant douches are possible.
Sheldon Cooper : Of course they are. Leonard's being one.
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Sheldon Cooper : I so loathe you.
Wil Wheaton : That's right, Sheldon. Embrace the dark side.
Sheldon Cooper : That's not even from your franchise!
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Wil Wheaton : You're not still carrying a grudge because I beat you at that card tournament, are you?
Sheldon Cooper : I'm the proud owner of wilwheatonstinks.com, .net and .org. What does that tell you?
Wil Wheaton : It tells me that I am living rent-free right here.
[Points at Sheldon's head]
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Penny : Leonard, stop pressuring me.
Leonard Hofstadter : I'm not pressuring you.
Penny : Yeah, you are! Just back off!
Leonard Hofstadter : Okay, I'm sorry. I'll shut up.
Penny : I didn't mean shut up.
Leonard Hofstadter : Fine. Just tell me what to do, and I'll do it.
Penny : No. That isn't fair to you, Leonard. I'm sorry.
[she heads for the door]
Sheldon Cooper : Wait! Where are you going? Penny, come back! I'll get you ice cream!
Leonard Hofstadter : No, let her go.
Sheldon Cooper : Are you insane? If she leaves, it's over!
Leonard Hofstadter : I'm pretty sure it's already over.
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Wil Wheaton : After you.
Sheldon Cooper : No, after you. As we are currently crushing you, Wesley.
Wil Wheaton : It's customary for the player on the right lane to bowl first.
Sheldon Cooper : All right.
[as Sheldon prepares to bowl, Wil bowls his own ball; Wil gets a spare, while Sheldon throws a gutter ball]
Wil Wheaton : [Sheldon stares at him, offended] It's a custom, not a rule.
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Sheldon Cooper : Be the ball, Howard.
Howard Wolowitz : Leave me alone, Sheldon.
[trying for a 7-10 split, Howard misses the pins]
Sheldon Cooper : You weren't the ball.
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Stuart : You guys still on for bowling tonight?
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, yes. In fact, I've prepared some trash talk for the occasion. You bowl like your momma! Unless of course she bowls well, in which case you bowl nothing like her.
Stuart : Oh. Ouch.
Sheldon Cooper : That is what is referred to as a burn on you.
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Sheldon Cooper : [as Wil picks up a spare] A common spare; the Miss Congeniality of the bowling pageant. Before you jump on twitter to tout your modest accomplishment, watch how it's really done.
[picks up ball]
Sheldon Cooper : I am the ball. My thoughts are its thoughts. Its holes are my holes.
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Sheldon : Well, well, well, if it isn't Wil Wheaton. The Green Goblin to my Spider Man. The Pope Paul V to my Galileo. The Internet Explorer to my Firefox.
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Sheldon Cooper : This is for you.
Penny : Ice cream?
Sheldon Cooper : I've been familiarizing myself with female emotional crises by studying the comic strip Cathy. When she's upset, she says "Ack!" and eats ice cream.
Penny : Uuum... Ack!
Sheldon Cooper : If you were a cat, I would've brought you a lasagna.
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Howard Wolowitz : I thought you were bringing your own bowling shoes.
Sheldon Cooper : These are my own bowling shoes.
Howard Wolowitz : Then what's with the disinfectant?
Sheldon Cooper : I know where my feet have been.