- Pete Hornberger: What do you think will happen when she realizes she's playing the mother?
- Liz Lemon: We can worry about that later. Maybe we'll be dead by then.
- Pete Hornberger: Yeah. Wouldn't that be great?
- Jenna Maroney: Mother? I'm not a mother! Would a mother be planning a summer sex tour of Vietnam?
- Liz Lemon: You're not young anymore. You can't keep playing prom queens and runaway victims anymore.
- Jenna Maroney: But those were my majors at the Tampa School of Acting Tricks.
- Jack Donaghy: So what did you do after the party the other night?
- Danny Baker: Well, my, uh, work friend and I went to her office.
- Jack Donaghy: Ooh, she has an office. Hey, is it that chick lawyer who does the sexual harassment presentation? Because she's asking for it. Okay, no more guesses, continue.
- Danny Baker: All right, so we're getting into it, and she takes off her glasses. Real sexy.
- Jack Donaghy: Nice.
- Danny Baker: But she never takes off her shoes, which I kind of like. Even though the reason is she's never let a man see her feet.
- Jack Donaghy: What?
- Danny Baker: And she's kind of a tease. Mostly we just kiss, and then, she makes me go down to the deli to get her a sandwich. So we haven't gone too far. But under that dress, I can tell she's wearing some weird underwear. I want to see it.
- Jack Donaghy: [realizes Danny is talking about Liz] They're called "Spanx".
- Jack Donaghy: Lemon, you need to end this now.
- Liz Lemon: What? No Jack, you were just talking about how you miss office hookups. That is a double standard.
- Jack Donaghy: Calm down.
- Liz Lemon: No, I won't calm down! Women are allowed to get angrier than men about double standards.
- Tracy Jordan: How come your teeth don't glow in the black light, Kenneth?
- Kenneth Parcell: I don't know. You'll have to ask the man who whittled them for me.
- Jack Donaghy: [holding Danny's CHiPS badge] This badge is a symbol of dignity, honor, and dramatized 1970s interethnic California daytime motorcycle highway justice.
- Archeria: [filming scene for "Gossip Girl"] Oh, Mother. I can't believe you're dying of old age.
- Jenna Maroney: Don't cry for me, Tartine. I've had a full life. Oh, the things I've seen. The first Clinton administration. The Nagano Olympics. Microsoft Windows '95. But I'm 41 now. Time to die.
- Jack Donaghy: For four years I've had to make do with what passes for men around here, with their untucked shirts, boneless faces, their Stars, both Wars and Trek.
- Jack Donaghy: Danny and I were supposed to have lunch today. Why didn't he show up?
- Liz Lemon: I don't know. Maybe he had something better to do.
- Jack Donaghy: Well, I had a Porterhouse for two, alone. I am very angry and sleepy.
- Jack Donaghy: Yes, I've had office relationships in the past. But always with people that I could transfer to another city, or introduce to Nicolas Sarkozy.