- Skipper: So, what's the trouble, Long Trunks?
- Burt: You guys gotta help me. I need to get out of the zoo and across town, today!
- Private: Ooh, a breakout.
- Kowalski: Complicated by crosstown transport of the world's largest land mammal.
- Skipper: That's a pretty tall order, my ginormous friend. May I ask why?
- Burt: Let's just say an elephant never forgets.
- Rico: Uhh...
- Skipper: Ooh, dark and sinister sounding with the classic pachyderm cliché. Big man, you play me like a fiddle.
- Skipper: Now, if anyone asks, you're name is Frosty Fun Times truck number 26.
- Kowalski: You were raised a laundry delivery truck, but on your eighteenth birthday, you decided to follow your dream and never looked back.
- Private: Why would anyone ask a truck about...
- Skipper: Don't confuse the man with questions, Private. It's a very complicated alias.
- Skipper: Gentlemen, let's go home.
- Private: But Skipper, how are we going to sneak Burt back into the zoo?
- Skipper: [Looks at abstract painting in apartment] Hmm...
- [Cut to Burt wearing the painting, walking down the street]
- Skipper: Now, if anyone asks, you're the Museum of Modern Art.
- Burt: You can call me MoMA.
- King Julien: Maurice, those penguins are going to meet Marlene's new boyfriend.
- Maurice: Huh. Good for her.
- King Julien: No, not good for her. She already has a boyfriend.
- Maurice: She does?
- King Julien: Yes, silly. It's me!
- Maurice: You? Let me guess. Marlene doesn't know you're her boyfriend, does she?
- King Julien: Well, I have been meaning to mention it to her. But it is clear to me now that I must step up my wooing.
- Maurice: All right. We'll need flowers, some candy...
- King Julien: No, Maurice! The only way to win this competition is to eliminate the other competition.
- Maurice: All right. Well need a sack, a club, some rope...
- King Julien: Yes, Maurice! Now you are thinking romantically.
- Private: I wonder how the rest of Marlene's date went?
- Skipper: I'm sure it was a many splendored thing.
- Kowalski: Of course. It was scientifically approved.
- Marlene: Hi, guys. So, me and Fred? Not happening.
- Kowalski: What?
- Marlene: Turns out what I thought was him being funny was actually just him being...
- Skipper: Dumb as a sack of hammers?
- Marlene: Let's just say I did not hear Spanish guitar when we were together.
- Kowalski: But, but science let us to him. Science said he was perfect. SCIENCE! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?
- Skipper: Our first obstacle is Alice. We need something to keep her occupied during Burt's exodus.
- Kowalski: Perhaps a large mess to clean up. But what would be the ideal spot for maximum filthyosity? The public restrooms, of course!
- Skipper: Now we need some sort of stink bomb.
- Kowalski: Chemical or organic?
- Skipper: Let's go green on this one. Big Gray, what did you have for breakfast this morning?
- Burt: Bean, broccoli and cabbage burrito. Why?
- Skipper: Perfecto!
- Skipper: [the penguins discover some photos pinned on Burt's habitat] Well, this is, uh, disturbing, to me. Anyone else?
- Private: I'm disturbed as well, Skipper.
- Kowalski: [Focusing on a photo of a kid] Look at that kid with the kazoo. Could it be? The legendary Kid Kazoo?
- Rico: Kid Kazoo?
- Kowalski: You know, Kid Kazoo? The scourge of the Central Park Zoo? Surely you've heard the tales. He was a Sunday regular, a real piece of work, with a smile like a bear trap, and a laugh like a deranged birthday clown. But the sickest thing was that kazoo, screeching incessantly like a kindergarten orchestra.
- Private: That sounds horrible, Kowalski.
- Kowalski: Kazoos always do, Private. But no one had it worse than poor Burt. With those jumbo-sized ears, that constant buzzing was unbearable. He hated that kazoo! I wonder what ever happened to the little maniac?
- Skipper: [Looks at a picture of an adult man] Wait a minute. Look at those shifty eyes. That devious half-smile. Those kazoo-kissed lips.
- Kowalski: By Newton's apple, you're right! It's Kid Kazoo all grown up!
- Rico: Wow!
- Private: Burt really knows how to hold a grudge. For years, apparently.
- Marlene: You were fighting over me? Julien, what were you thinking? I'm not some prize to be won!
- King Julien: Yes, Marlene. Now that I am looking at you, especially from this unflattering angle, I realize that you are right. You are no prize.
- Marlene: Wh-wh-wait. What?
- Computerized Voice: You have reached the Animal Control Help Line. If you know the name of the animal trying to eat you, say it now.
- Kid Kazoo: Elephant. El-e-phant. Elephant!
- Computerized Voice: You said... Everglades pygmy sunfish. First, step out of the bayou and onto dry land.
- Private: We just thought an otter alone in the big city might be...
- Marlene: What?
- Skipper: Lonely! The soul-crushing solitude must be eating you alive!
- Marlene: Right. But why the sudden interest in my love life?
- Kowalski: All right, we needed a guinea pig, and you were the closest species. Genetically speaking.