- Claire Dunphy: So what happened?
- Principal Balaban: Well, apparently there was some name-calling and shoving on the playground, but by the time the teachers separated them, Luke was sitting on Manny's chest.
- Jay Pritchett: Luke, that's not like you.
- Principal Balaban: Wait a minute. You're Luke's father?
- Jay Pritchett: Grandfather.
- Principal Balaban: So, Manny's father is...
- [Looks at Phil, who points to Jay]
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Javier. Crazy guy. That's where he gets his fire.
- Principal Balaban: Okay. You're...
- Claire Dunphy: He's our son.
- Jay Pritchett: And my grandson.
- Claire Dunphy: I'm his daughter.
- Principal Balaban: Okay, so you're...
- Manny Delgado: His uncle.
- Luke Dunphy: Stop saying that or I'll sit on your chest again!
- Claire Dunphy: Wait a second. Is that what this is all about?
- Luke Dunphy: He keeps calling me his nephew.
- Manny Delgado: You are my nephew!
- Alex Dunphy: I like football. Haley hates it.
- [Sits next to Jay]
- Alex Dunphy: Which is weird, because it's all boys and there's no reading required.
- [Jay puts his hand on her head]
- Alex Dunphy: Do you know she spends at least 45 minutes every morning doing her hair, and then sometimes...
- [Jay puts his hand over her mouth]
- Phil Dunphy: Claire likes to say that you can be part of the problem, or part of the solution. But I happen to believe that you can be both.