Community (TV Series)
Advanced Criminal Law (2009)
Joel McHale: Jeff Winger
Photos
Quotes
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Jeff Winger : Yes she did... but why? That's the really question, isn't it?
[pauses]
Jeff Winger : The world wasn't the only thing that changed on September 11th.
[Everyone groans]
Britta Perry : Jeff, come on.
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Jeff Winger : Britta, look at me. Look at me!
Britta Perry : I am!
Jeff Winger : No, look how handsome my face is. If all I wanted was sex, I can get it from plenty of women without having to go through all this crap! I'm here because I like you! And I'd be psyched to be your friend! I just didn't want to take sex off the table without doing my due diligence.
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Jeff Winger : Gentlemen, I'm sure you suspected that Miss Perry was pretty odd before the recess, but if you could have heard all of the stuff that she just told me in the shower, you would have realized she is all the way out of her entire damn mind. She doesn't want to succeed, because she doesn't think she can, so she goes out of her way to fail. That's crazy! But! Do we really want to make it a crime to be crazy at Greendale? I mean, look at us. I mean, you two are arguing about status at a college that correspondence schools make fun of. Dean, you want so bad for this place to be Ivy League that you are putting us at risk of electrocution! Because everyone on this campus is nuts... If you want to rehabilitate your fellow inmate, you need to sentence her to staying here with us. Because if crazy people can't be at Greendale, where are we supposed to go?
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Professor Ian Duncan : How is student life, my dry-witted friend?
Jeff Winger : Probably the same as teacher life, but less tragic, because I get to leave.
Professor Ian Duncan : Very dry. Very witty. Not a great friend.
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Pierce Hawthorne : Who do you guys think cheated?
[They all look at Jeff]
Jeff Winger : Flattering, but if I'm gonna cheat, I'm not gonna write information from a book onto paper. That's practically learning, for God's sake.
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Professor Ian Duncan : [about Britta] Are you two an item, and if so, would that item be impervious to sabotage?
Jeff Winger : You know, you have the savoir faire of a hyena. How is it that you and James Bond come from the same island?
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Ben Chang : She confessed!
Jeff Winger : She confessed to protect her classmates, because you were threatening to flunk everyone!
Professor Ian Duncan : You did what?
Ben Chang : Oh, shut your pompous vortex of overlapping fangs!
Professor Ian Duncan : Hey, British dentistry is not on trial!
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Jeff Winger : [speaking to Britta] Remember when we used to study spanish?
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Jeff Winger : Everyone on this campus is nuts.
Leonard : Not me!
Jeff Winger : Oh, come on, Leonard. If you're gonna argue with me, put on a bathing suit.
Leonard : Busted.
[chuckles]
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Dean Pelton : I'd like to introduce our student, Pierce Hawthorne, who's written Greendale its own school song. Pierce, okay.
Pierce Hawthorne : Thank you, dean, thank you. This song goes out to Annie.
Dean Pelton : Oh.
Pierce Hawthorne : For believing in me.
[Pierce playing 'The Way It Is' melody]
Pierce Hawthorne : standing in the bookstore line / waiting for the bell to chime / so you can go to class / dancing in your underwear / taking air conditioner repair
Abed : Is this Bruce Hornsby?
Jeff Winger : Yep.
Abed : Does he know he stole it?
Jeff Winger : I don't think so. Let him enjoy it.
Abed : Can we get sued?
Jeff Winger : Not sure.
Pierce Hawthorne : Greendale's the way it goes
Jeff Winger : Yeah, they got us.
Pierce Hawthorne : some things are still the same / slop pails and pantyhose / oh, Annie believes in me
