Ted Lasso (TV Series)

No Weddings and a Funeral (2021)

Brendan Hunt: Coach Beard

Quotes 

• Keeley Jones : So where do you think her father is right now?

  Roy Kent : In the drawer of a funeral home.

  Keeley Jones : No. I mean, like, spiritually.

  Roy Kent : In the drawer of a funeral home.

  Ted Lasso : You know, growing up, I used to believe that if you did good things, you went to Heaven, you did bad things, you went to Hell. Nowadays, I know we all just do both, so wherever he is, I hope he's happy.

  Higgins : I like to imagine a heaven where animals are in charge and humans are the pets. I'd like to spend eternity curled up in front of a fire at Cindy Clawford's feet.

  Nathan Shelley : I'd like to be reincarnated as a tiger, and then ravage anyone who looked at me wrong.

  Coach Beard : You know, if you weigh a person's body right after death, it's 21.3 grams lighter, and some say that's the weight of the soul.

  Roy Kent : Whoever figured that out clearly weighed someone, murdered them, then weighed them again. You live, you die, you're done. Good night.