- Dr. Sharon Fieldstone: Coach Lasso, is Isaac okay?
- Ted Lasso: No, ma'am, he's not. He's a wigwam in a teepee right now.
- Dr. Sharon Fieldstone: What does that mean?
- Coach Beard: He's too tense.
- Ted Lasso, Coach Beard: Boom!
- Rebecca Welton: Wait, you can't get a table at something called "A Taste of Athens" in Tooting?
- Nathan Shelley: No, it's impossible.
- Rebecca Welton: All right. There's a simple solution to that. I'll just buy the restaurant.
- Keeley Jones: [Chuckles] Well, you know the saying? "You buy a man a table, he eats once. You teach a man how to get a table, and eats at that restaurant until it becomes a Starbucks."
- Roy Kent: You're trying to get me to come back to the club and coach. It won't work.
- Ted Lasso: I got zero interest. Excuse me, nil interest in making you do something that ain't in your heart.
- Roy Kent: You're really not playing games?
- Ted Lasso: Maybe a little. I'm sorry, Roy, but I came here tonight cause when you realize you wanna spend the rest of your life coaching with someone you want the rest of your life to begin ASAP.
- Roy Kent: Please stop.
- Ted Lasso: You complete our team.
- Roy Kent: You're an asshole.
- Ted Lasso: I'm also just a coach, standing in front of a boy, asking him if...
- Roy Kent: Listen. I'm never coming back to Richmond. Not now, not ever. Now fuck off.
- Ted Lasso: As you wish.