- Mercedes Jones: Why do we have to go all vanilla on this song? See, what we need is my chocolate thunder.
- Burt Hummel: This is really getting you down, isn't it?
- Kurt Hummel: I'm full of ennui.
- Burt Hummel: So it's really getting you down?
- Burt Hummel: Congratulations on hitting the kool-aid or High C or whatever...
- Kurt Hummel: High F.
- Burt Hummel: Whatever.
- Finn Hudson: What are we going to do?
- Quinn Fabray: What are you going to do?
- Finn Hudson: I'm looking for a job. I mean no one's hiring. I almost got in at Olive Garden, but they said I was too tall to be a busboy.
- Sue Sylvester: You think this is hard? Try auditioning for Baywatch and being told they're going in another direction. That was hard.
- Will Schuester: Sue, you are unbelievable.
- Sue Sylvester: And you are a terrible spy. You might try breathing through your nose sometime. If you were a sniper, I would have already radioed in your coordinates. Just like in the Falklands.
- Will Schuester: I'm not gonna let you bully that girl, Sue.
- Sue Sylvester: Oh, I bully everybody, Will. It's how I roll.
- Will Schuester: Yeah, but this is different. She's not like everybody else.
- Sue Sylvester: I want you to listen to what you just said, Willliam. You're asking me to treat this girl differently because she has a disability. When actually, it seems to me, she just wants to be treated like everybody else. Why are you doing this?
- Will Schuester: Because I know you. And you're up to something.
- Sue Sylvester: You don't know the first thing about me.
- Will Schuester: McKinley needs ramps.
- Sue Sylvester: No way. Those are what I call lazy-makers. They discourage our able-bodied students from getting their proper exercise by using the stairs!
- Sandy Ryerson: How bad is the pain?
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: The doc said the shark fractured my spinal cord
- Sandy Ryerson: This is why I don't go to the aquarium. Okay son. I'm going to give you the full amount I can. 20 cents on the dollar
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: [voiceover] I don't put enough in to give you hallucinations or get you high. Just enough to give you a real case of the munchies.
- Tina Cohen-Chang: I have to tell you something. I've... been faking it.
- Artie Abrams: Faking what?
- Tina Cohen-Chang: I don't have a stutter. I pretended to have one in sixth grade because I didn't want to give a speech on the Missouri Compromise. I was really shy, and it made people think I was weird, so they left me alone. And it wasn't until I joined Glee Club that I realized how much I was missing. I don't want to push people away anymore. You understand what that's like, don't you?
- Artie Abrams: No. I don't. I would never try to push people away, 'cause being in a chair kind of does that for you.
- [sadly]
- Artie Abrams: I really thought we had something really important in common.
- Tina Cohen-Chang: [he starts to roll away] Wait, Artie. I'm sorry.
- Artie Abrams: [stopping] I am, too. I'm sorry now you get to be normal and I'm gonna be stuck in this chair the rest of my life. And that's not something I can fake.
- Burt Hummel: How'd the tryout go?
- Kurt Hummel: They gave the part to Rachel.
- Burt Hummel: I knew they were gonna rig it. I'm going down to that school and I'm talking to Schuester.
- Kurt Hummel: I blew the note. I wanted to lose.
- Burt Hummel: Kurt, I stuck my neck out for you, and you go and you throw the game?
- Kurt Hummel: Dad, I've known who I was since I was five. I adapted. Being different made me stronger. And at the end of the day, it's what's going to get me out of this cow town. You never had to do that.
- Burt Hummel: I can handle myself just fine.
- Kurt Hummel: No, you can't. Not about this. That phone call yesterday was just the beginning. Especially if I get up in front of a thousand people to sing a girl's song. When I saw you right after you got the call, and you were so hurt and so upset... it just killed me. I'm not saying I'm going to hide in the closet. I'm... I'm proud of who I am. I'm just saying that I love you more than I love being a star.
- Will Schuester: [suspicious about Sue] You think she has a brain tumor? That can cause erratic behavior.
- Principal Figgins: All I know is that she walked in unnanounced and she wrote me a check for three new handicapped ramps.
- Will Schuester: I... I... I just don't get it. I mean, first putting Becky in Cheerios, now this. What is her angle?
- Principal Figgins: Why ask why?
- Will Schuester: I'm very proud of you guys. Artie... why don't you bring this to Principal Figgins yourself?
- Finn Hudson: [seeing Artie's expression] What's wrong, dude?
- Artie Abrams: I really appreciate what you guys did for me, but I'm not the only kid in a wheelchair at this school. And I'm sure there will be others after I graduate. And I know how important it is for all of us to go to sectionals together, but I think I'd rather just get a ride from my dad and use this for a handicapped ramp in the auditorium.
- Will Schuester: Any objections?
- Finn Hudson: Well, it sure beats having to carry him in every day.
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: 1200 bucks. That's enough for the short bus and two cases of Natty Light for the ride home.
- Will Schuester: Oh, dream on, buddy.
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: I was getting that you kinda need money. For our kid.
- Quinn Fabray: For my kid.
- [counting the bills]
- Quinn Fabray: Eighteen dollars.
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: How much has Finn given you?
- Quinn Fabray: Just stop. I told you before, I don't care if that baby comes out with a mowhawk, I will go to my grave swearing it's Finn's.
- Will Schuester: This isn't fair.
- Principal Figgins: Is it fair that I had to stop providing the baseball team with protective cups? I only get a certain amount of dollars a year to spend, William.
- Will Schuester: Yeah, but Artie is...
- Principal Figgins: Is used to overcoming challenges. He'll just have to find his own ride to sectionals. That handi-capable bus costs $600 a week to rent. We can't afford it.
- Will Schuester: Oh, but there's enough money in the budget to fly the Cheerios all over the country for their competitions?
- Principal Figgins: Sue Sylvester has boosters that write fat checks. None of her travel expenses come out of the school budget.
- Will Schuester: Look, when I was in the glee club, the best part of the competitions was the bus ride to the event. It was about camaraderie and supporting each other.
- Principal Figgins: You think I feel good about this?
- Will Schuester: Well, my students won't stand for it.
- Principal Figgins: That's very moving, but my hands are tie, Schue. If you want that bus, you're going to have to find a way to pay for it yourself.
- Will Schuester: I don't know if you guys really understand how much harder Artie has to work to keep up.
- Artie Abrams: Preach!
- Quinn Fabray: What's this?
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: This is all the money leftover from my pool cleaning business. After I bought dip... and nunchucks.
- Will Schuester: You guys are best friends, why are you fighting?
- Noah 'Puck' Puckerman: I'm just really stressed about the bake sale.
- Will Schuester: [after several tryouts, Sue chooses a girl with Down syndrome for the Cheerios] What are you up to, Sue?
- Sue Sylvester: I'm just following orders, Will. I'm doing what I was told. And I found myself a brand-new Cheerio.
- Will Schuester: You're up to something.
- [as she leaves]
- Will Schuester: I don't like this, Sue!
- Jacob Ben Israel: I have several sources reporting Quinn didn't want to leave, but you kicked her out because of the pregnancy scandal.
- Sue Sylvester: Well, Jacob, this is Ohio. And in order to win, my Cheerios need to appeal to that panel of judges. So if I have a pregnant girl doing a handspring into a double layout, the judges aren't going to be admiring her impeccable form, they are going to be wondering if the centrifugal force is going to make the baby's head start crowning.
- [taking his tape recorder]
- Sue Sylvester: Oh, and by the way, all this? Off the record. Probably should have told you that earlier.