Quotes
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Will Schuester : Why did you even let her in the house?
Terri Schuester : 'Cause she said she was one of your Glee kids. It didn't take me five minutes to realize she's in love with you. She asked if she could see your baby pictures.
Will Schuester : What, so now you're making her clean our bathroom?
Terri Schuester : Look, Will, I have been dealing with these schoolgirl crushes for years. So why shouldn't I get a little something out of it?
Rachel Berry : [entering] Do you have any more Ajax?
Terri Schuester : Oh, in the linen closet, sweetie.
[Rachel gives Schue a flirtatious wave as she leaves]
Will Schuester : This is immoral, Terri.
Terri Schuester : No, honey, do you know what's immoral? Is me having to deal with the fact that my husband spends all day with young girls who are perkier and younger than I am. I have a rash on my belly from that cocoa butter that your mother sent me. Do you have any idea how much it burns when I sweat? I can't scrub the floors as hard as she can.
Will Schuester : Baby, if it's that bad, you have to let me see it. It might be infected.
Terri Schuester : What, so now I'm going to show you the bleeding pustules on my skin? Wow, yeah, no, that's not gonna send you into the loving arms of some teenage slut.
Will Schuester : For the last time, I am not having an affair with any of my students, and you are not allowed to turn one of them into your slave because you have this irrational fear of me leaving you.
Terri Schuester : But why not, huh, if it's a win-win for everybody? Look, she's a really good cook. Try it.
[he starts to leave]
Terri Schuester : Where are you going?
Will Schuester : I'm taking Rachel home.
Terri Schuester : Can you ask her to dust the blinds in the craft room first?
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Will Schuester : I can't handle going through this again.
Emma Pillsbury : Sorry, going through, um... going through what again?
Will Schuester : Have I ever told you about... Suzy Pepper?
[Emma shakes her head; cut to Schue teaching in flashback]
Will Schuester : So the alpacas start there and, uh, travel down towards Guadalajara along...
Will Schuester : [v.o] Suzy Pepper wasn't the first schoolgirl crush, but she was the hardest. It happened about two years ago, before you were a teacher here. Suzy was... unique.
Suzy Pepper : [raising her hand in class] Mr. Schue, how do you conjugate the verb... "to love"?
[cut to Suzy approaching his desk as the class leaves; she hands him a present, which is revealed to be a pair of socks with jalapenos on them]
Suzy Pepper : Peppers. So you can wear them and think of me. Suzy Pepper.
Will Schuester : [v.o] I thought it would burn out like the others, but it only got worse.
[another flashback; Will and Terri are in bed when his phone rings in the middle of the night]
Will Schuester : Hello?
[no sound except for heavy breathing]
Terri Schuester : Who is it? Who died?
Will Schuester : [the breathing continues] Suzy Pepper?
Suzy Pepper : You knew it was me just by the sound of my breath. That's so romantic.
Terri Schuester : [taking the phone] Listen, you little psycho, this is Will's wife. And if I don't get enough sleep, my antidepressants don't work, and then I'll go crazy and I'll kill you.
Will Schuester : Terri.
Terri Schuester : Stop calling.
[hanging up]
Terri Schuester : Can't you handle anything, Will?
