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Quotes
Stand Up Guys
Edit
Val
: They say we die twice. Once when the breath leaves our body, and once when the last person we know says our name.
Val
: So, what'll it be. Chew gum, or kick ass.
Doc
: I'm all outta gum.
Doc
: You can't open a car with a coat hanger any more, Val.
Val
: Says who?
Doc
: Says the people who make cars.
Val
: Are you a real doctor?
Doctor
: Are you a real patient? Is that a real penis?
Doc
: [
as Val is urging them to steal the car
] This car belongs to the Jargoniew brothers. I happen to know that.
Val
: A-and that's supposed to mean something to me?
Doc
: Nobody messes with these guys! They are the type of guys that take your kidneys out and not even sell them!
Doc
: [
stealing a gangster's car
] This is not a good idea, Val.
Val
: Yeah, well, my life is full of not good ideas.
Val
: [
In the confessional
] Forgive me Father for I have sinned.
Priest
: How long since your last confession?
Val
: 60 years give or take a few.
Val
: So how's your health?
Hirsch
: Well, they took something out of me a couple of months ago.
Val
: What'd they take out?
Hirsch
: I don't know. I didn't ask, it's none of my business. But I'm a little more streamlined now, a little more aerodynamic.
Val
: [
Looking for the second girl in a proposed meage a trois
] What about you?
Wendy
: Who me? No. I don't do it for money. I just can't...
Val
: Well, we won't pay you.
Hirsch
: Hey, Val...
Val
: Yeah?
Hirsch
: It's like the old days, isn't it?
Val
: No! It's better.
Hirsch
: Yeah! Why?
Val
: Because this time we can appreciate it.
Hirsch
: Yeah, that's why.
Hirsch
: Give me the key.
Doc
: There's no key.
Hirsch
: Give me the key.
Doc
: It's new. It's a button. Push the button.
Val
: Push the button.
Doc
: It's computers.
Hirsch
: Man, this is like the future.
Val
: Oh Ouh! Mount Everest just moved into my pants.
Doc
: My friend is looking for a "party".
Wendy
: Yeah? What kind of party?
Val
: Bar Mitzvah.
Val
: [
Just coming out of prison
] You look like shit!
Doc
: You look worse!
Val
: [
after taking too much ED medication
] I'm fighting the Battle of the Bulge here. This thing is going up and down like a yo-yo...
Doc
: [
These lines are read like a well-polished mantra familiar to all of them
] What time is it?
Hirsch
: I don't know. What time is it?
Val
: It's time to kick ass or chew gum, and guess what?
Doc
: I'm all out of gum!
[
They ritually stomp their feet
]
Val
: I took the fall. For everyone. I'm a stand up guy.
Doc
: Exit, stage left.
Val
: This is the worst apartment I've ever seen.
Doc
: Hey, it's not much, but it's mine.
Doc
: I can't do what I said I would do. Mercy is a one-saying, mercy...
Claphands
: Finish this!
Val
: Your place looks like where I just came from except it's worse.
Doc
: So, it's not to your liking. Sorry.
Val
: Not to my liking is the understatement of all time.
Val
: Hey, ladies! What do you say, what do you know? It's me, Giacomo!
Val
: [
Just shot a couple of thugs
] : "Anyone else here wants to get shot ?"
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By what name was Stand Up Guys (2012) officially released in India in English?
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