- Count Jackula: God fuckin' critics! Talk about wasted potential. Yeah, let me count down just what kind of fucktards we all are. We have a collector of cursed objects, a member of a nightly order that gets its magical power from geekdom, and a girl made of living television. Not to mention the vampire from another planet. We have all this power, all this potential and what do we do with it? We bitch about bad movies on the internet.
- Il Niege: Is he really dead?
- The Horror Guru: [Looking over Count Jackula's body] Yep, looks like he's out... for the count.
- Il Niege: If I wasn't the snarky comic relief, I would shoot you for that.
- Some Jerk With a Camera: Spazz, why are you throwing a party at my new house and not inviting me?
- Spazzmaster: Jerk, how do I put this delicately?... You're no fun and nobody likes you.
- Some Jerk With a Camera: Oh yeah.
- Some Jerk With a Camera: Now while he's weakened!
- Spazzmaster: All right! You heard the man! It's Critic Time! Geek Critic!
- The Wire: Television Critic!
- Il Niege: Children's Entertainment Critic!
- Stephan Krosecz: Animation Critic! Right?
- Count Jackula: Bad Horror Critic!
- The Horror Guru: Good Horror Critic!
- Mikey Insanity: ...Eh, whatever.