Dead & Nowhere (2008) User Reviews

The longest 85-minute movie ever

[arcticcarrot · 1/10 · 16 February 2009]

This movie is terrible. The opening scene has a hooker getting killed. And then we get the cliché scene of a homeless guy finding the body - which is still in the killer's car. Hello, big clue - killer's car. But instead of talking about that, the cops who arrive on the scene talk about how they would have liked to have had sex with the hooker. One of the cops says the hooker was in the wrong place at the wrong time. What? It's the same place and the same time as always. I mean, she's a hooker. Hello? Anyway, our main character is a priest/cab driver who likes to preach to the hookers for an hour every night at a fast food joint. I thought the hookers were transvestites at first, so for a moment I was interested. But it turns out they're just ugly women. That scene outside the food joint is insanely long, but really every single scene in this film goes on much too long. We're introduced in that scene to Bob, some security guy outside a plant who wants the priest to ask the whores not to hook near the plant anymore because he might lose his job. What? Who cares? Anyway, the main cop character thinks it's the priest who is the killer, so he follows him around, and even enters his apartment without a warrant - and he uses his flashlight, even though the lamp is on right next to him. The cops for one scene decide to hide in a van near the hookers in case the killer comes. For some reason their surveillance cameras can only pick up the girls feet and legs. We have lots and lots of shots of their boots - apparently the director's fetish. And about a half hour in, we suddenly get narration by the main cop character for no reason - and again two other times, and again for no reason. Anyway, near the end, when we find out who the killer is, the killer actually says something about his Mommy once telling him he wasn't allowed to talk to any other women but her. Ugh. So it's the killer's Mommy's fault. Of course it is. Who cares? At first this movie is so bad that it's funny. I was laughing out loud for the first twenty minutes or so, but then it just drags and drags, and you just want every character to get killed so the bloody thing can be over. But this movie really has no other murders, at least not by the killer. And for a film with a lot of whores, we don't even get any gratuitous nudity, apart from that shot at the very beginning, and even that is through the car's windshield. I mean, hell, the filmmakers could have least given us that, since they weren't giving us anything else.

The Previous Reviewer Protests Too Much

[gussheridan · 6 April 2009]

Okay, I'm sorry you didn't like any of the girls, and on top of that, you didn't get to see any of them topless (this food is terrible- and the portions are so small!).

Also, the women's boot fetish thing? I'm pretty sure that's not the case.

This movie's nowhere near that bad. Granted, it's not deathless art, but as a genre exercise, it's perfectly serviceable. Artistically, we may have already seen the twilight of the serial killer movie, but commercially, they're still viable.

Hollywood still churns them out, and so does the publishing industry. If you're tired of them, fine- I am, too. But kicking an indie filmmaker around the room for trying to crack the market with one is like hunting a cow with a bazooka.