Everybody Hates Chris (TV Series)

Everybody Hates New Year's Eve (2008)

Chris Rock: Narrator

Quotes 

• Narrator : New Year's Eve was big in Bed-Stuy because it gave everybody a chance to make new resolutions. Unfortunately, most people didn't follow through on them. Not my mother.

  Rochelle : This year, I'm going to stop yelling at my children.

  Narrator : No, you're not.

  Rochelle : [yells]  Who put a glass on my table without a coaster?

  Narrator : Not my sister.

  Tonya : This year, I'm not going to get Chris in trouble anymore.

  Narrator : Yes, you will.

  Rochelle : [yelling off-screen]  Who's been in my make-up bag?

  Tonya : Chris did it!

  Narrator : Not my father.

  Julius : I'm going to stop worrying about money.

  Narrator : Stop lying.

  Julius : Chris, close that door! You just let out 86 cent worth of refrigeration.

  Narrator : Not my brother.

  Drew : This year, I'm not going to take any more girls from Chris.

  Narrator : We'll see about that.

  Pretty Girl : That's so sweet, Drew. Who's Chris?

  Chris : I'm Chris. You came in with me.

• Narrator : Doc was the only person I knew who celebrated Old New Year's Eve.

• Chris : [to Rochelle]  Come on, Ma. Why not? I mean all we do is stay up till 11:59, say, "Happy New Year," blow a noisemaker, and then go to sleep. I want to do something different.

  Rochelle : Like what? Get drunk, rip your shirt off in the freezing cold and have the cops arrest you and spend the first day of the new year in jail? Who wants to do that?

  Narrator : Lindsay Lohan.

• Greg Wuliger : [while talking to Chris on the phone]  I can't believe your dad saved a guy. That's so cool. You know, if that guy had been a girl, he'd be so in there.

  Narrator : Another one of Greg's pickup techniques. If you stop a girl from killing herself, she might go out with you.

• Narrator : That New Year's Eve, my father was on TV more than Dick Clark.

• Peaches : [to Rochelle]  How come you won't let Chris go to Times Square with me?

  Rochelle : Well, hello, Peaches.

  Peaches : You know what, Rochelle? If we are gonna be friends, at some point, you are gonna have to learn how to trust me.

  Rochelle : Mmm. Now, I'll trust you with some clothes, but trusting you with my children, that's another thing.

  Narrator : Not to Britney Spears.

• Narrator : Kissing Tasha on New Year's Eve was amazing, but my only fear was that I was gonna turn into a pumpkin at midnight.