- Eileen Swift: I just got a car phone! It has one of those memory-dialers, you know, it can store the numbers of one hundred close friends - it's fantastic! I mean, I've never had the incentive to make friends before, but now I do!
- Kate Harper: You're right up there with Mother Teresa.
- Eileen Swift: Oh, I saw her on the news... She should use a moisturizer!
- Stiv Miltman: Wow, those are hot shoes you're wearing! They accentuate your well-turned ankles.
- Eileen Swift: Why, thank you. Who is this child?
- Stiv Miltman: Stiv. It used to be Steve.
- Eileen Swift: Eileen Swift. Used to be Elsie Slivovitz.
- Ross Harper: I've got some serious plans for tonight. Stiv and I are going to the movies and then miniature golfing. It's ladies night.
- Kate Harper: Ross, just out of curiosity, how do you plan to get from here to there?
- Ross Harper: Well, mom, you.
- Kate Harper: I'm sorry, could you toss a verb in there?
- Ross Harper: Please?
- Kate Harper: Why don't you ask your dad to drive you?
- Ross Harper: Mom, you're blowing everything! I was gonna ask you for the ride and dad for the money.
- Brian Harper: I'm staying right here tonight to watch history unfold on television! On channel 34, there's a two hour live special, "The Opening of Al Capone's Gym Locker." At nine o'clock sharp, they're gonna blast through his locker and reveal its mystery contents while the Saint Ignatius Marching Band plays "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend."
- Kristin Carlson: And thus, Madame Curie discovered radium without any help from men. So who needs 'em? The end.
- Molly Farrell: That was a great story, Kristin.
- Kristin Carlson: And it teaches us a very important lesson. You can be whatever you want to be. A scientist, a novelist, U.S. senator, even President! What do you wanna be, Molly?
- Molly Farrell: Victoria Principal.
- Brian Harper: That movie, I have never seen anything like it - it was totally original! What was it called again, Ross?
- Ross Harper: Death Wish 4.
- Ross Harper: We were kind of in the middle of planning a party for tomorrow night.
- Brian Harper: You guys have a theme for your party?
- Stiv Miltman: Yes, the theme is achieving a 4 to 1 girl-boy ratio.
- Brian Harper: Hey, Oscar!
- Oscar: Mr. Harper, please, no one calls me Oscar anymore, it's terminally uncool. I had my name legally changed.
- Brian Harper: To what?
- Oscar: To Man.