Everybody Hates Chris (TV Series)

Everybody Hates James (2008)

Chris Rock: Narrator

Quotes 

• Chris : Well, I just got assigned my "Brother from Another Mother" today. Hope it's not a big hassle.

  Greg Wuliger : Wish I had one. I'd love to be a mentor, to form a lifelong bond, to know if I never did another thing in my life, I'd have made a difference in this world.

  Narrator : Which is why Greg had the happiest pet turtle.

• Narrator : Back at home, my father spent the afternoon with Oprah to get ready for an evening with my mother.

• Rochelle : [to Julius]  Well, if nothing's wrong, why are you bringing me flowers?

  Julius : I'm just trying to treat you the way I would want to be treated if I was married to me.

  Narrator : Now legal in California.

• Chris : James.

  James : What?

  Chris : Look, I know you don't want to do this any more than I do, but if we work together, we won't have to be anywhere near each other.

  Narrator : Worked for Shaq and Kobe.

• Julius : [to Jerome when he tries to break into Chris's house]  Did you just pick our lock with a credit card?

  Narrator : And where did he get a credit card?

  Jerome : This? Nah. This was an accident. I thought this was my house.

  Chris : You live across the street.

  Jerome : Sorry, man. I'm dyslexic.

• Rochelle : [to Julius]  Who the hell is Oprah?

  Narrator : That was the last time those words were ever spoken.

• Narrator : After all was said and done, I found out a few things about James. His real name was Cleavon. He was raised by the streets. And he was still a 12-year-old kid.