House M.D. (TV Series)
The Softer Side (2009)
Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Gregory House : I think my penis stopped breathing. Do you know CPR?
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Dr. Gregory House : [to Jackson's parents] You gave birth to a freak of nature. Doesn't mean it's a good idea to treat him like one.
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Dr. Gregory House : [to Wilson] You gonna eat that?
Dr. James Wilson : Have at it. Did you just ask my permission before you took my food?
Dr. Gregory House : Yes, we can.
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Dr. Gregory House : [after Wilson catches House vomiting outside of the restaurant]
[to Wilson]
Dr. Gregory House : I'm on methadone. Stupid product. Heroin without the high.
Dr. James Wilson : Yeah, and twice the risk of death.
Dr. Gregory House : But no risk of arrest.
Dr. James Wilson : You nearly died.
Dr. Gregory House : Today was a fluke. I nodded off.
Dr. James Wilson : Right, you're safe as long as you never sleep again. Mistime your dose, you die. Couple of drinks, you die. Mix it with the wrong drugs, you die. You want to detox from Vicodin? Pick something that won't kill you.
Dr. Gregory House : I'm not detoxing.
Dr. James Wilson : If you're looking for something to help with your pain...
Dr. Gregory House : Doesn't help my pain, it eliminates it.
[tosses his cane into a dumpster; turns to walk away, but pauses]
Dr. Gregory House : My leg doesn't hurt anymore.
[walks off into the street]
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Dr. Gregory House : I created a case. I played nice because, I was in a good mood because I didn't hurt.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : You don't need your pain to be a good doctor.
Dr. Gregory House : I'm not interested in good.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : You're afraid to be happy.
Dr. Gregory House : Why do you care if I'm happy?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : You're afraid of change. The one thing you have is your intellect. You think if that's compromised, you have nothing.
[offers House some methadone]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Just take it.
Dr. Gregory House : No.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : Don't do this.
Dr. Gregory House : [throws the methadone in the trash] It's already done. This is the only me you get.
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Dr. Gregory House : [to Wilson as he and House are having dinner] You don't believe that I OD'd on Vicodin. You figure I'm on something stronger and because you can never, ever assume anything but the most screwed up scenario as far as I'm concerned...
Dr. James Wilson : Funny how I'm usually right.
Dr. Gregory House : You think that I'm on heroin. This is your version of a tox screen. Because if I am on heroin, I can't drink that without risking another bout of not breathing.
Dr. James Wilson : Well?
[House drinks the shot]
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Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [to House when she discovers that he is using methadone] I can't sit by and watch you kill yourself. As long as you're in my hospital, you can't do methadone.
Dr. Gregory House : [gets up, opens the door and throws a journal in a trash can] I'll send someone for my stuff.
[starts to leave the bathroom]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : That's it, you're quitting? You're choosing methadone over this job?
Dr. Gregory House : I'm choosing lack of pain over this job.
[leaves the bathroom]
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Dr. Gregory House : Our new patient: Part girl, part boy, all Thirteen's dream date.
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Dr. Gregory House : Back off. Only Thirteen gets to grab my nipples this time.
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Dr. James Wilson : Who is she?
Dr. Gregory House : I hired her to watch me sleep! Make sure I don't stop breathing.
Dr. James Wilson : Home nurses usually wear scrubs.
Dr. Gregory House : Not a nurse.
Dr. James Wilson : You hired a hooker to watch you sleep? I just can't...
Dr. Gregory House : Surprisingly, hookers are cheaper - and they don't sue for sexual harassment.
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Dr. Lisa Cuddy : [to House] Where are you going?
Dr. Gregory House : Nowhere. Staying right here so we can properly discuss this.
[leaves his office]
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Dr. Lawrence Kutner : [to House] You're okay with this?
Dr. Gregory House : With what?
Dr. Lawrence Kutner : That we're considering a diagnosis unrelated to this kid being a shemale. Assuming a coincidence like that would usually torture you, but you're completely unfazed.
Dr. Gregory House : Completely unfazed? You think I'm totally lacking in any fazing? The idea that I'm anything less than half-fazed, I actually find offensive. It greatly fazes me.
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Dr. Gregory House : I'm fine. Other than my nurple is now purple.
[to Thirteen]
Dr. Gregory House : I'm surprised yours are still attached.