- Lois Lane: [wakes up hungover on Clark's couch wearing his football jersey] Smallville?
- Clark Kent: [enters the room loading up a glass of water with alka seltzer] Good afternoon, Lois. I thought you might need one of these.
- Lois Lane: [looks at the disarray of the room especialy the random articles of clothing laying about before looking at Clark] Please tell me we didn't...
- [At first Clark looks Lois in confusion but then it dawns on him what she is talking about]
- Clark Kent: [chuckles] You're hysterical when you're hungover, Lois. Don't worry you got changed all by yourself. In the middle of the kitchen for like an hour.
- Lois Lane: [attempts to take a sip of her drink but grimaces and puts it down] I take it I took a little drive on the porcelain highway.
- Clark Kent: It was more like a cross-country trip.
- Clark Kent: [to Lois, about taking the elevator instead of stairs] Come on. Statistically, this is the safer way to travel.
- [Clark and Lois walk into the jewelry store while pretending to be a couple]
- Lois Lane: A smile now and then wouldn't kill you.
- Clark Kent: They're in short supply, Lois. I wouldn't want to waste one.
- Jeweler: May I help you?
- Lois Lane: Well, we are finally out ring shopping. Who's the luckiest girl in the world?... I am!
- Clark Kent: Some friends of ours said that your store is the best place in town to find engagement rings.
- Jeweler: Is there a certain piece that you would like to see?
- Lois Lane: Well... How about this one, Pumpkin?
- Clark Kent: Anything you want, Muffin.
- [to the jeweler]
- Clark Kent: Must be great seeing so many happy couples come through here every day.
- Jeweler: Certainly is. It's very fulfilling helping to solidify the bond between husband and wife.
- [pointing to the ring Clark is holding]
- Jeweler: Excellent craftsmanship, a perfect circle, no beginning and no end. Try it on and see how it looks.
- Lois Lane: [Lois holds out her hand, but Clark just stares at the ring] Don't get stage fright, Poodle. You're going to have to do this center stage in front of a packed house sooner than you think.
- [to the jeweler]
- Lois Lane: He has performance anxiety.
- Jeweler: Would you look at that! A perfect fit.
- Oliver Queen: [entering] What are you two doing here?
- [Clark and Lois exchange nervous glances]
- Lois Lane: Oliver... didn't you get the invitation yet?
- Oliver Queen: Invitation to what?
- Lois Lane: [to Clark] Tell him, Cupcake.
- Clark Kent: Lois and I are... we're getting married.
- Oliver Queen: [laughs, then realizes Clark is serious] You're just full of surprises lately, aren't you, Clark?
- Lois Lane: I know, right? I mean we've been friends for so long, um, but we just had this one magical night, and we couldn't deny our feelings any longer.
- Oliver Queen: [to Clark] Is this true?
- Clark Kent: I'm afraid so.
- Lois Lane: [as Clark pushes her out the door] See you at the wedding!
- Lois Lane: [snatches a glass of champagne off a nearby tray] Good idea.
- [very drunk]
- Lois Lane: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Lois Lane. Most of you know me as Chloe's cousin a.k.a. The Maid of Honor.
- [crowd applaudes]
- Lois Lane: When Chloe and I were little girls, we made a promise. Neither of us would get married until we found our soul mates. The one person in the whole wide world that we were destined to be with. Which is why you can't take a 10 year old at their word.
- [crowd buzzes with trepidation]
- Clark Kent: Okay, come on.
- [pulls Lois off her perch]
- Clark Kent: What I think Lois is trying to say, is that you can't predict when you will find that special someone. And Jimmy is, without a doubt that special someone for Chloe. I've known Chloe since the 8th grade and we've been through a lot together. In all those years, the truth is I have never seen her so happy. Congratulations, to Jimmy and Chloe.
- Lois Lane: Another glass of bubbly?
- [seeing Clark approach]
- Lois Lane: And throw in a Shirley Temple for the lady.
- Clark Kent: Lois, don't you think you might want to pace yourself?
- Lois Lane: Believe me, Smallville, I am a lot more obnoxious sober, and the last thing anyone wants is me... making a scene at this blessed event. Chloe is barely legal, and she is getting hitched to the first guy who's shown her any attention. Present company excepted. I have suffered enough heartache to know real love when I see it, and looking at those two... I don't know. I don't see it.
- Clark Kent: Are you sure you're not just jealous that your little cousin's beating you to altar?
- Lois Lane: This isn't a competition.
- Clark Kent: Then why are you keeping score?
- Macy: Deep down, underneath it all, do you love this man?
- Clark Kent: Answer the question, Lois. Don't out-think it. Just tell the truth.
- Macy: Do you love him?
- Clark Kent: Tell the truth.
- Macy: Do you love him?
- Lois Lane: [crying softly] Yes.
- Lois Lane: So, uh, about that test... um...
- Clark Kent: Who would have thought you were such a good liar, huh? I mean, you even beat that machine.
- Lois Lane: Even though I'm a natural master of deception, I needed a little help. I mean, that machine was a piece of Kaiser-era junk.
- Clark Kent: Well, it did work the first time. You know, when you electrocuted me.
- Lois Lane: Exactly. So while he was off playing game show host, I slipped the sensor off my finger. Pretty crafty, huh?
- Clark Kent: So you weren't telling the truth?
- Lois Lane: Please. I mean, we do make a good team. But don't let our cover go to that big old head of yours.
- Clark Kent: I didn't.
- Lois Lane: Good.
- Clark Kent: Great.
- Lois Lane: Let's just be happy that I was under the gun and not you.
- Clark Kent: And why's that?
- Lois Lane: Smallville, everyone knows you're a terrible liar. Who knows where we'd be if you'd answered that question?
- Tess Mercer: One of the most important things that Lex taught me is you can't afford to live in the past.
- Oliver Queen: Did Professor Luther also teach you a thing or two about deception? Or how about obsession? I hear his class in murder's an easy "A".
- Chloe Sullivan: You know, it's a shame your parents couldn't be here tonight. I would have really loved to celebrate your impeccable taste with them.
- Jimmy Olsen: Well, they send their love. Dad is this close to closing a big deal in London. His, um, priorities are a little out of whack, but he means well.
- Chloe Sullivan: Oh, well, I still hope you enjoyed yourself tonight. You know what was my favorite part of the evening?
- Jimmy Olsen: If you say Lois' toast, I'm getting a prenup.
- Lois Lane: You didn't have to take care of me last night. I would have been perfectly fine on my own at the Talon.
- Clark Kent: I don't think Chloe and Jimmy would have been up for the Whitesnake sing-along.
- Lois Lane: [realizing] Chloe! Uh, I was supposed to meet her for a dress fitting first thing this morning.
- Clark Kent: Do you need a ride?
- Lois Lane: You may have held my hair, but I... don't need you to hold my hand, Smallville. This may shock you, but I can still drive a car.
- Clark Kent: Not if it's not here. This may shock you, but you were in no condition to get behind the wheel last night, Lois.
- Lois Lane: [reluctantly grateful] Thanks for the ride.
- Tess Mercer: What do you mean you can't find the IP address?
- Eva Greer: The e-mail came through a ghost router. As soon as we saw it, the router vanished from the grid. At the very least, this could prove Mr. Luthor is still alive.
- Tess Mercer: Or it could prove that someone is toying with me. Find out who took the crystal, or find a new line of work.
- Oliver Queen: You know what's amazing to me? That you can't find time to return my calls, but you do manage to fit it into your busy schedule to buy the Star City Tower right out from under me.
- Tess Mercer: Business is business.
- Lois Lane: Chloe?
- Clark Kent: Jimmy?
- Lois Lane: You know what Lois likes to see when she comes home. Pants. Pants on everyone.
- Clark Kent: [seeing the bedroom layout Jimmy had planned] I had no idea Jimmy was so romantic.
- Lois Lane: [snickering as she shows him a pair of kinky fluffy handcuffs] Guess the Olsen's not so wholesome.
- Clark Kent: [hearing a voicemail that Chloe and Jimmy's cars have been impounded] They didn't even come home last night?
- Lois Lane: Then where the hell are they?
- Clark Kent: Lois, I checked the Metropolis and the Smallville hospitals as well as the airport; no sign of Jimmy or Chloe.
- Lois Lane: You covered a lot of ground.
- Clark Kent: We need to find the right people to ask.
- Lois Lane: Chloe and Jimmy aren't the only couple that's gone missing, Clark. At least three couples in the last two weeks have vanished without a trace.
- Clark Kent: All engaged?
- Lois Lane: Credit cards haven't been touched. Phone records show no sign of activity. The list goes on and on. So unless Oprah said eloping was in for fall...
- Clark Kent: They've all been abducted.
- Lois Lane: I called the police. They won't even declare Jimmy and Chloe missing for 24 hours.
- Lois Lane: Jimmy, Chloe, and the other couples all visited the same wedding vendors within the last ten days.
- Clark Kent: A bakery, a jewelry store, and a stationery shop.
- Lois Lane: To name a few.
- Clark Kent: That stationery shop is right around the corner. I'm gonna check it out. I'll call if I find anything.
- Lois Lane: Whoa, no way am I putting my cousin's life in hands of a mild-mannered copy boy. Try to keep up.
- Macy: The art of abduction is surprisingly difficult. It's easier when I find couples together. It saves time.
- Chloe Sullivan: Well, we'd hate to inconvenience you.
- Macy: It's no trouble at all. It's my duty.
- Jimmy Olsen: What... what is that?
- Macy: This is a lie detector. It's fairly harmless and not complicated at all. In fact...
- [advancing on him with a pair of jumper cables]
- Macy: ...when you get right down to it, it's really quite simple. All it does is listen to your heart.
- Jimmy Olsen: I guess you expect us to believe that that's harmless, too, right?
- Macy: No. This is electricity. Electricity hurts.
- Chloe Sullivan: Is this how you get your kicks? Torturing innocent people?
- Macy: It's not torture. I'm doing you a favor. Not everyone is meant to be married. Countless couples rush headlong into marriage ignorant of responsibility of the burden of truth that comes with that level of commitment.
- [she recoils as he touches her hand]
- Macy: Those that are truly dedicated... have no secrets. Let's warm up with an easy question.
- Lois Lane: If this were the last place on Earth and I had to write an SOS, I wouldn't come here for a nib or a quill.
- Clark Kent: Thank you for your time.
- [leading her away]
- Clark Kent: Lois, we're not gonna get anywhere if you shake down every single person we talk to.
- Lois Lane: He was stonewalling us. You have to put the screws to a perp when the clock is ticking.
- Clark Kent: He was 70 years old, Lois. He spent the night in the hospital. He still had his bracelet on.
- Clark Kent: You should go back to the Daily Planet, see if those background checks we ordered came in.
- Lois Lane: And just what do you plan on doing alone that we can't do together?
- Clark Kent: A lot.
- Lois Lane: Wait a minute. The guy is preying on couples, right?
- Clark Kent: No, don't even go there.
- Lois Lane: So, if we walk in there pretending to be the bait, we'll have him eating out of our hands.
- Clark Kent: No one will believe it, Lois, not even for a second.
- Lois Lane: I swear, if you're this afraid of pretend commitment, what's gonna happen when some poor girl makes the mistake of actually falling for you?
- Clark Kent: This isn't working, Lois. We need to split up. We can track down more leads if we go in opposite directions.
- Lois Lane: And what if you get into trouble?
- Clark Kent: I think I'll be okay.
- Lois Lane: You know, you're drifting dangerously close to cocky.
- [behind her back, he super-speeds away]
- Lois Lane: What? No snarky comback from the peanut gallery?
- [turning around, she scoffs when she sees he's gone]
- Chloe Sullivan: What the hell happened? The last thing I remember, that guy pulled out that gun and then everything went black.
- Jimmy Olsen: I told you we'd make it out.
- Chloe Sullivan: [picking up the fluffy handcuffs] Is this that masked man's idea of some kind of a twisted joke?
- Jimmy Olsen: Uh... I'm gonna have to take the credit for this one.
- [she looks at him in surprise]
- Jimmy Olsen: And for the record, it was a lot less creepy yesterday.
- Chloe Sullivan: [Lois watches her drunken speech] Yeah, that's pretty much how I felt.
- Lois Lane: Oh, my god, Chloe, I am so sorry. I mean, I know my face is under "faux pas" in the dictionary, but this is a whole new low.
- Chloe Sullivan: I would say that this is a close second behind the time you crashed Lana's engagement party. In fact, you may want to start avoiding engagement parties altogether.
- Lois Lane: Chloe, it's not funny. I ruined your special night.
- Chloe Sullivan: Lois, considering how the night ended, I'd say that the party was a rousing success. Besides, you were just being honest. Though you could've been a little less public about it.
- Chloe Sullivan: Lois, why didn't you just tell me that this is how you felt?
- Lois Lane: I don't know. Look, Clark and Lana went south. Things fell apart between me and Ollie. Just knowing that I had everything that I wanted right in front of me, and having it slip away... I just didn't want to see you have that kind of heartache.
- Chloe Sullivan: Lois, you are the most wonderful big cousin in the world for thinking that. But trust me, I wouldn't have said yes if I didn't know it was meant to be.
- Lois Lane: How can you be sure?
- Chloe Sullivan: Because when I look at Jimmy, I can just feel it. In my heart. I mean, sunset or dungeon, he's my guy.
- Lois Lane: Wow, color me jealous. Clark was right after all.
- Chloe Sullivan: He usually is. Get used to it.
- Chloe Sullivan: After the Spanish inquisition, I was thinking we deserve an extra long honeymoon. So, maybe Bora Bora, Saint-Tropez?
- Jimmy Olsen: Chloe. Before you start booking anything, there's something you need to know. As insane as that guy was, he made a great point. If we're gonna make it... we can't have any secrets from each other anymore.
- Chloe Sullivan: Yeah, but if the last twelve hours have proven anything, it's that we don't have much left to hide.
- Jimmy Olsen: Yeah. There is. I'm not who you think I am.
- Chloe Sullivan: The sudden knot in my stomach tells me this isn't you embracing your inner Nietzsche.
- Jimmy Olsen: My parents aren't coming to the wedding. They, uh... well, they actually don't exist. Well, I mean, they do. Of course they do, they-they exist, it's just that... my dad's not an investment banker in Manhattan. He's a part-time mechanic and full-time alcoholic in Oklahoma City. I never even really met my mom.
- Chloe Sullivan: Why would you keep something like this from me?
- Jimmy Olsen: This city, it's huge. It's the top of the world coming from where I come from. And the only way I could fit in was to... be someone else.
- Chloe Sullivan: Why didn't you trust me?
- Jimmy Olsen: I know. I'm sorry. I'm... so sorry. I screwed up big time. And I totally understand if you need some time or even if... if you want out. A guy like me... doesn't get a girl like you, Chloe. Life... you know, it doesn't work like that.
- Chloe Sullivan: Yeah, it does.
- Oliver Queen: So much for breakfast in bed.
- Tess Mercer: I'm late for a meeting in Metropolis. You know, some of us still have corporations to run.
- Oliver Queen: Oh, that's right, I forgot about that. Although I've got this really funny feeling that you could probably find somebody else to answer your phones. I'm thinking more, like, um... dinner in Malibu in time for the sunset. What do you say?
- Tess Mercer: Is that a hint of romance I detect?
- Oliver Queen: [offering a diamond bracelet] Well, I can't stop myself.
- Tess Mercer: [closing the box] Save it, in case you wanna tip another hostess. There was nothing romantic about last night, Oliver. I had an itch. You scratched it.
- Clark Kent: You're not avoiding me, are you?
- Lois Lane: Me? Why would I be avoiding you? I was just shopping for wedding gifts for Chloe and Jimmy.
- Clark Kent: Oh. So you're finally on board with the happy couple.
- Lois Lane: Yep. All it took was them passing a madman's electro cosmo death quiz, and I am sold.