Everybody Hates Chris (TV Series)

Everybody Hates My Man (2008)

Chris Rock: Narrator

Quotes 

• Walter Dickerson : Hey, Chris, I need to talk to you, man.

  Chris : What's up?

  Walter Dickerson : What's up is Coach Thurman's gonna fail me.

  Chris : Fail you? You're, like, the best guy on the team. All you have to do is show up and it's an automatic "A." Why would he fail you?

  Walter Dickerson : Something about me never showing up to class. Look, he's trippin'. I don't know why we need to learn about history anyway. What difference does it make who won World War III? It's over. The Japanese won, and now we have Walkmans.

  Narrator : Thank God Italy won World War IV and we got pizza.

• Narrator : With a new job and a signing bonus, my father thought he had been hit by a chemical toilet and gone to Heaven.

• Narrator : If my father had been a rapper, his name would've been Snoop Jobby-Job.

• Narrator : When Dickerson said "my man," it was like making me vice president.

• Greg Wuliger : [after Chris falls asleep in class]  Dude, you're burning the candle at both ends. There's no way you can do another guy's work and still have time for your own stuff. It's like cheating on a girlfriend.

  Narrator : If you've never had a girlfriend.

• Rochelle : [to Mr. Omar about Julius]  You got to fire him and you have to fire him today.

  Mr. Omar : Why would I want to do that? I've never seen a man be so happy with his work.

  Rochelle : He is throwing money away like there's no tomorrow.

  Mr. Omar : Well, there might not be a tomorrow.

  Rochelle : Well, if there is, you ain't gonna have no place to live.

  Mr. Omar : What you talking about?

  Rochelle : Let me remind you you're a tenant in our house. If we lose our home, you lose your...

  Mr. Omar : He's fired.

  Rochelle : Thank you.

  Narrator : If you're keeping score, that's happy: zero, my mother: one.