Desperate Housewives (TV Series)

In a World Where the Kings Are Employers (2009)

Felicity Huffman: Lynette Scavo

Quotes 

• Porter Scavo : Just so you know, 30 years from now when you and dad are old and feeble...

  Lynette Scavo : You're putting us in the cheapest nursing home you can find, yeah. I got it.

• Lynette Scavo : [Penny won't make salads]  You're not a baby, you're fifteen, remember?

  Penny Scavo : Also, I can't find my band-aid.

  Lynette Scavo : Ok, you fill water glasses, I'll make salads.

  Parker Scavo : [Brings a check and money]  Hey mom, this is for table 5.

  Lynette Scavo : Ok, thanks. Uh, you didn't give them enough change.

  Parker Scavo : Yeah, I know. i figured this out, you can short people one percent and they won't even notice. If they've got a buzz on, three percent.

  Lynette Scavo : Ok, you make the salads, I'll handle the register.

  Lynette Scavo : [the twins are fighting over who will wait on a hot lady]  Well since I'm the only one who can wait on that table without knocking over the drink with my pants, how 'bout I take it?

• Porter Scavo : Ooh, Dad called a family meeting.

  Parker Scavo : Yeah, mom he said it's about the restaurant.

  Lynette Scavo : Oh boy, I think I know what this is about. Things have been tough down at the restaurant and I think your dad has finally decided to sell it.

  Parker Scavo : Wow!

  Preston Scavo : Is he gonna be okay?

  Lynette Scavo : I don't know, that's why we all have to be really supportive, and you with me?

  [all nod] 

  Tom Scavo : Hey guys, good, you're all here.

  Penny Scavo : I love you daddy!

  Lynette Scavo : Not yet.

  Tom Scavo : I wanted to talk to you all about our pizzeria.

  Lynette Scavo : Just know that we're 100% behind you.

  Tom Scavo : That means a lot because this was a really rough day for me. I had to let all our employees go. So starting tomorrow, you kids are my new wait staff!

  Lynette Scavo : Tom, what the hell are you talking about?

  Tom Scavo : You and I'll handle the days and the kids'll join us after school and on the weekends.

  Parker Scavo : At the risk of sounding spoiled, a-noo.

  Tom Scavo : Come on, we'll love working together,

  Porter Scavo : Why? We don't even like living together.

  Preston Scavo : You're not even going to pay us?

  Penny Scavo : I'm nine, is that even legal?

  Tom Scavo : I think so, but just to be sure, you're fifteen, happy birthday!

  Parker Scavo : Mom, please do something.

• [the twins decide to take a break as soon as a group of teenagers come in] 

  Lynette Scavo : What's going on here?

  Preston Scavo : Those kids go to our school.

  Porter Scavo : And you know who that big guy is? Kevin McDurmot, the guy called me 'Jesus' for a year cause I wore sandals for one day! If he sees me wearing this, I'll never hear the end of it.

  Tom Scavo : Fine, don't wear the apron.

  Porter Scavo : No. I'm not gonna wait on a kid who's gonna make fun of me on Monday morning. It's humiliating enough having to work here.

  [Tom has a tantrum and slams Porter against the wall, and Lynette breaks it up] 

  Parker Scavo : [looking shocked]  Guys, I just sat a twelve-top, who's taking it?

  Tom Scavo : I will.

  [they all look shocked] 

• Tom Scavo : I had to let all of our employees go. So starting tomorrow you kids are my new wait staff!

  Lynette Scavo : Tom what the hell are you talking about?

  Tom Scavo : I got it all worked out. You and I will handle the days and the kids will join us after school and on the weekends.

  Parker Scavo : Um. At the risk of sounding spoiled. No.

  Tom Scavo : come on it'll be fantastic! We'll love working together!

  Porter Scavo : Why? we don't even like living together.

  Tom Scavo : look labor is our number one cost if we can eliminate it we'll start making a profit again.

  Preston Scavo : what you're not even gonna pay us?

  Penny Scavo : I'm nine is that even legal?

  Tom Scavo : I think so... but just to be safe you're now 15. Happy Birthday!

• Lynette Scavo : [Preston sees a group of kids from his and Porters school and Porter and Preston decide to take a break]  Wow, wow, wow, what's going on here?

  Preston Scavo : Those kids go to our school.

  Porter Scavo : And you know who that big guy is? Kevin McDermitt. The guy called me Jesus for a year cause i wore sandals one day if he sees me wearing this I'll never hear the end of it.

  Tom Scavo : Fine don't wear the apron that's...

  Porter Scavo : No. I'm not waiting on a kid who's going to make fun of me on Monday morning. It's humiliating enough having to work here!

  Tom Scavo : Humiliating?

  Lynette Scavo : Guy's easy

  Tom Scavo : No you're not humiliated when you use the money we make here to buy your clothes!

  Lynette Scavo : Tom it's fine, I'll take the table

  Tom Scavo : No no no no no no no your mother can't wait on this whole restaurant herself!

  Porter Scavo : Well then you do it!

  Tom Scavo : Porter I'm your father and your boss and I'm telling you right now to go take that table.

  Porter Scavo : Or what your gonna fire me? go for it.

  Tom Scavo : [grabs Porter by his collar and shoves him against the wall as Lynette gasps]  Do you think this is a joke? This is my life!

  Lynette Scavo : Tom!...

  Tom Scavo : No!

  [shakes Porter repeatedly] 

  Tom Scavo : you're worried about being embarrassed?

  [shakes Porter while saying] 

  Tom Scavo : I've put everything I have into this restaurant!

  Lynette Scavo : Alright that's enough! Let got of him! Let go of him! Let go of him!

  Parker Scavo : Guys... I just set a twelve top. Who's taking it?

  Tom Scavo : [sighs]  ... I will...

  [he walks off as everyone stares at him looking scared]