James Bolam: Trevor Chaplin

Quotes 

• Jill Swinburne : [the students cheer her return from maternity leave]  I could never get used to the idea of being popular!

  Trevor Chaplin : [Teasing]  Why not? *I* like you... mind you, it took a year or two!

• Jill Swinburne : [Surveying the school canteen]  Sitting here, I feel as though I've never been away. Everything is just the same. We started the day with a moralising sermon from Mr. Wheeler.

  Mr Carter : Ignore it.

  Trevor Chaplin : We did.

  Mr Carter : The man is clinically insane, even by the standards of the teaching profession!

• Trevor Chaplin : [Giving baby First Born his opening lecture]  In the beginning was the twelve-bar blues. And Buddy Bolden said 'Let there be jazz!' And there *was* jazz. And way down yonder in New Orleans, Buddy Bolden begat Joe 'King' Oliver, who begat Louis Armstrong. And it came to pass that Louis Armstrong went up into the hills of Chicago and there he begat Leon Bismark 'Bix' Beiderbecke!

• Mr Wheeler : [Addressing all the staff]  As you know, the school is desperately short of vital equipment: text books, exercise books...

  Mr Carter : [Quietly, to himself]  Pens, pencils, paper...

  Mr Wheeler : ...Therefore I am asking you all to attend a meeting this evening in the school assembly hall at seven-thirty prompt to discuss fundraising. I am also asking all the parents to attend. I will see you all tonight and don't forget to bring your ideas with you.

  Trevor Chaplin : [as Mr. Wheeler exits]  We could sell his body for medical research!

• Big Al : Mrs. Swinburne, when I saw Trev in the park, he said you were still interested in cleansing society.

  Jill Swinburne : Did he? What did he say?

  Big Al : He mentioned ozone layers and tropical rainforests.

  Trevor Chaplin : It's true. I've been the length and breadth of Yorkshire looking for ideologically sound aerosols!