- [first lines]
- Narrator: The National Football League begins steeping in honeysuckle in hot summer to sweeten an appetite for impact.
- [spoofing the Mission: Impossible TV series' mission orders that begin each episode]
- Narrator: Good morning, Mr. Phelps. The Philadelphia Eagles had a conspicuous wealth of potential All-Pro talent. Your job, should you accept it, is to explain to the people in Philadelphia why this team will self-destruct in five seconds. Mission: Impossible