- Lewis Black - Host: I'm Lewis Black, and this is my courtroom, where I put on trial all the people and things that make me want to strangle myself with a television cord.
- Andrew Daly: Beer ruined the 20th Century, because nobody loves beer more than Germans, and nobody loved Hitler more than Germans on beer. Beer caused World Wars I and II, all weed ever caused was Caddyshacks I and II. And, my friends, only one of those movies was a globally devastating human catastrophe.