- Greg Wuliger: [to Chris] Wait, do you even know what an escort does?
- Narrator: I do, but this is a family show.
- Narrator: While my mother was judging hats, Greg was judging me.
- Greg Wuliger: Don't you think it's kinda weird to have a date on Easter?
- Chris: Less weird than not having a date ever. Besides, it's not a date. It's an opportunity.
- Greg Wuliger: I guess you're right. Maybe I should go back to church. You know, score some babes.
- Narrator: When Greg went back to church, the only one who hit on him was the priest.
- Chris: It's just that Robert's out of the picture. If I'm ever gonna have a shot with Tasha, this is it.
- Greg Wuliger: I hear you. Kick a man when he's down, that's what I always say.
- Narrator: That was the only time he ever said that.
- Greg Wuliger: [to Chris] I haven't even been on one date, and I know you don't break up with a girl before a holiday. A girl by herself on a holiday is like an ice-cream cone in hell. It ain't gonna be there very long. I know I always say this, but this time, dude, you truly are in there.