- Warrick Brown: [showing a Rorschach-like blood stain] What does this look like to you?
- Gil Grissom: Hermaphrodite on roller skates.
- Catherine Willows: A puppy.
- [Grissom and Catherine look at each other quizzically]
- Stewart Lytle: [after seeing Wendy working in the lab] Beautiful people doing high-tech police work. There might be a series in this.
- Nick Stokes: I don't think so.
- Gil Grissom: Then the rubber chicken was inserted post-mortem...
- Dr. Al Robbins: ...and thus not the cause of death.
- Gil Grissom: Might have been a gag. Sorry.
- David Phillips: [to Grissom, after pulling a rubber chicken out of the mouth of a murder victim] Oh, come on. You've gotta say something. Uhh, "I suspect fowl play"; or, uh, "that's poultry evidence." You know: something.
- Gil Grissom: Dying's easy; comedy's hard.
- Bud Parker: Annabelle and I were married two days ago. We had a deal: she said if I gave up coke, we could get married.
- Spencer Freiberg: But you never gave up coke!
- Bud Parker: She didn't know that.
- Megan Kupowski: [Outlining an improbable sequence of events] ... and he showed her how to do it in exchange for certain unsavoury favours.
- Captain Jim Brass: Oh, wait, that sounds like a... What do you call it?
- Gil Grissom: Writers' contrivance.
- Megan Kupowski: Yeah, yeah... It's a bit of a reach, but you get one per episode.