The Muppets (2011)
Chris Cooper: Tex Richman
Photos
Quotes
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Tex Richman : The show's over!
Fozzie Bear : But we were so close!
[bangs his head against the score board, which suddenly goes from reading, "$9,999,999" to "$99,999.99"]
Fozzie Bear : Or... not. Eh, kinda makes me feel better, actually. We were nowhere close at all!
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[Tex and Uncle Deadly are atop the Muppet Theater with a pair of boltcutters about to shut off the power]
Tex Richman : To the end of the Muppets!
[Uncle Deadly grabs the boltcutters to stop Tex]
Tex Richman : Deadly! What are you doing?
Uncle Deadly : Enough! Just because I have a terrifying name and an evil English accent, does not preclude the fact that, in my heart, I am a Muppet, not a Moopet! Looks like it's I who will have the last laugh!
Tex Richman : What does that mean?
Uncle Deadly : It's an idiom, you idiot, because you cannot laugh! Ha ha!
[Tex falls off the roof and lands on the ground with a thud]
Uncle Deadly : Oopsie.
[he laughs]
Tex Richman : Deadly.
Uncle Deadly : Now *that's* a maniacal laugh for you!
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[repeated line]
Tex Richman : Maniacal laugh... maniacal laugh...
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Mahna Mahna : [sings] Mahna Mahna
Tex Richman : You're breaking the law! I own that name!
Snowth , Snowth : [the Snowths sing] Doo-doo, do-do-doo, do-do do do do do doo.
Gonzo : [with a bowling ball] Hey guys, I think I finally worked out how to - Whoo-ha!
[Gonzo throws the bowling ball and hits Tex Richman]
Fozzie Bear : 'Oil' bet that hurt.
[Tex Richman starts laughing]
The Newsman : This just in: Richman gives back Muppet theater and name. Change of heart, nothing to do with head injury.
Tex Richman : [sings] Mahna Mahna
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Bobo : [singing] Together again.
[Deadly joins in]
Bobo , Uncle Deadly : Gee, it's good to be...
Tex Richman : [cuts them off] NO SINGING IN MY OFFICE!
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Tex Richman : A hard, cynical act for a hard, cynical world.
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Marvin Suggs : [singing] The movie's almost over, it's time to say "So long".
Tex Richman : Will you please stop singing? You've already sung this song.
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Tex Richman : We'll be sending those Muppets running home with their tails between their legs. Some of them literally, because those ones have tails.
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Statler : [the door opens, Statler, Waldorf, Uncle Deadly, Bobo the Bear, and Tex Richman enter the room] There, now this here is Kermit the Frog's old office.
Waldorf : Or so we've been 'toad'.
[Statler and Waldorf chuckle]
Tex Richman : Well, as you know, gentlemen, I've loved the Muppets since I was a boy.
Uncle Deadly , Bobo : Mm-hmm.
Tex Richman : And what better way to honor the Muppets than to make this beautiful studio a Muppet museum.
[Walter gasps while hiding underneath a table]
Tex Richman : I think I'll call this room the "Kermit the Frog's Old Office Room".
Uncle Deadly : Oh, good one, Mr. Richman.
Bobo : Oh, that is lovely.
Waldorf : Now, ahem, this here is the standard "Rich and Famous" contract Kermit signed 30 years ago that contains...
Tex Richman : The deed to this property.
Waldorf : Exactly.
Waldorf : Now, this contract is 100 percent iron-clad, with one minor exception: if the Muppets can raise the $10 million it would cost to buy the building before this contract expires, then they get their studio back.
Statler : You know, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were reciting some sort of an important plot point.
Waldorf : Well, I hope so; otherwise I just bored the audience half to death.
Statler : You mean half the audience is still alive?
[Statler and Waldorf chuckle]
Waldorf : It's nice doing business with you.
Statler : Yes, sir. Come on.
Waldorf : Good-bye.
Bobo : [to Uncle Deadly] I love geriatric humor.
