- Adrian Monk: [after an encounter with drunk football fans] Did you enjoy civilization, Leland? I sure did. It was a hell of a run. 8,000 years.
- Lt. Randall Disher: Tell Bob Costas Randy Disher says hi.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Does he know you?
- Lt. Randall Disher: No.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well then, won't that just confuse him?
- Lt. Randall Disher: Only one way to find out.
- Adrian Monk: We had an explosion here today. The guy was burned. His name was Chet Walsh.
- Shawn Metzger: Never heard of him.
- Adrian Monk: Football jersey. Big Condors fan. Drunk. Yelling all the time.
- Shawn Metzger: It's a tailgate party. You're describing everybody here.
- Adrian Monk: I'm pretty sure you know this guy. You tried to kill him about a hour ago.
- Natalie Teeger: Whoo-hoo! Go, Condors! Randy?
- [she notices that Randy's desk is empty]
- Natalie Teeger: Somebody order some pizza?
- [looking down, a long trail of extension cords is visible - Natalie follows them]
- Natalie Teeger: Randy? Randy! Hello?
- [the cords eventually lead up a staircase to where Randy, having given up on moving the TV from the evidence room, is lying awkwardly upside down on the stairs attempting to watch the football game]
- Lt. Randall Disher: Oh! Out of bounds. That's out of bounds. God, you're blind!
- Natalie Teeger: Uh, what's the score?
- Lt. Randall Disher: Down by 9. Wait... no, 6.