Whatever Works (2009)

Ed Begley Jr.: John

Photos 

Quotes 

• Boris Yellnikoff : Can you believe this cracker, this red state Neanderthal, this mindless zombie of the National Rifle Association?

  John : My shrink says that the guns were all a manifestation of my sexual inadequacy.

  Boris Yellnikoff : Yeah, if it wasn't for sexual inadequacy the National Rifle Association would go broke!

• John : [as he kneels down to pray]  Lord I've sinned, please forgive me!

  Boris Yellnikoff : Why do all the religious psychotics wind up praying at my doorstep?

• John : Who's this?

  Boris Yellnikoff : Who are *you*?

  Melodie St. Ann Celestine : This is Boris, my husband.

  John : Boris your who?

  Melodie St. Ann Celestine : He's my husband, I'm Mrs. Boris Yellnikoff.

  John : Who are you?

  Boris Yellnikoff : I'm her husband. You want to pass out here, or go into the living room.

• John : I can't believe what I'm seein'. I mean, your clothes are different, your speech is a little more affected; but, deep down I know you're the same pretty, small town, God fearin', church goin', pie bakin'...

  Marietta : I'm livin' with two guys.

  John : - girl scout Mom. Your-your what?

  Marietta : I'm an artist. I-I-I don't bake pies. I don't go to church. I-I-I do collages, sculptures, photography. I live in Manhattan with two men who I Love - in a very happy ménage à trois.

  John : A what?

  Marietta : We all sleep together. A ménage à trois.

  John : I knew we should never trust the goddamn French.

• John : [Talking about Mandy]  Well, I can't go back to her.

  Marietta : Aw, why not?

  John : She cast dispersions on my manhood.

  Marietta : Aw!

  Boris Yellnikoff : What do we talking : size, duration, erectile dysfunction?