- Meemaw: [speaking to her deceased husband while sitting on the ground, leaning back against his headstone] I'm still pissed at you for dying. I'm not just gonna sit at home and miss you. I mean, you wouldn't want that. You'd want me to go out and have fun, right?
- Meemaw: Do *not* be a jerk to John.
- Coach Dale Ballard: Oh? Why would I be a jerk?
- Meemaw: You're gonna be camping. You're gonna be in the woods. You're gonna be drinking. You're a jerk *without* any of that.
- Coach Dale Ballard: Don't worry. I know how to get along with people!
- Meemaw: Knowing how and doing it are two different things.
- Coach Dale Ballard: Okay! Okay! I'll be nice.
- Meemaw: Thank you.
- Coach Dale Ballard: To your goofy little friend.
- Missy Cooper, Sheldon Cooper: [Chanting] Rock! Paper! Scissors! Candy! Pony!
- Sheldon Cooper: [Sheldon throws Rock, Missy throws Pony] Rock trips Pony.
- Missy Cooper: How do you keep winning?
- Sheldon Cooper: You keep picking Pony!