How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Spoiler Alert (2007)

Jason Segel: Marshall Eriksen

Quotes 

• Marshall Eriksen : Brother, you're driving the "I wanna have sex with her" truck, and it has a huge blind spot.

  Ted Mosby : That's ridiculous.

  Barney Stinson : Is it, really? Ted, let me tell you a little story about a young lady I wanted to have sex with. Lucilia. On a white sand beach in Rio de Janeiro, we made love for ten straight hours, and when we were done, she applauded, and told me I was far, far better than the best lover she could possibly imagine, and that I had restored her faith in God.

  Ted Mosby : What's that have to do with Cathy?

  Barney Stinson : Who's Cathy?

• Marshall Eriksen : [singing]  Paying my bills using return address labels. From a charity that I haven't given money to. Writing a check cause now I feel guilty The Salivation Army does not fight fair. Heading down to the basement today. With my laundry and a roll of quarter. But I'm back too soon Cause I left the detergent And the fabric softener

• Robin Scherbatsky : Oh, my God, Lily! What are you eating? Gravel?

  Marshall Eriksen : Oh, I know, right? It sounds like cufflinks going up a vacuum cleaner!

  Lily Aldrin : Well, why don't you sing about it?

  Marshall Eriksen : [singing]  Because I don't sing about everything I do!

  Robin Scherbatsky : No, no, sometimes you just sing nonsense words, like a stroke victim. And what's worse: they're catchy! Apple, Orchard, Banana Cat Dance.

  Robin Scherbatsky , Lily Aldrin , Barney Stinson , Ted Mosby : 8663.

  Robin Scherbatsky : See, we know that one because you once sang it for like three hours? What the hell is that?

  Marshall Eriksen : That's my password: AOBCD8663.

• Marshall Eriksen : [to Lily chewing loudly]  Say, what's in that cereal besides dried twigs and small animal bones?

• Barney Stinson : Trust me, you need to see this.

  Marshall Eriksen : What is so important that I need to see it right now?

  Barney Stinson : It's a video of a dog pooping on a baby.

  Marshall Eriksen : How do I need to see that? Why would I need to see that? In what possible way could subjecting my eyes and brain to something that disgusting enrich my life?

  Barney Stinson : It's a dog pooping on a baby!

• Ted Mosby : She chews loudly. Why do you think we call her Chewbacca?

  Marshall Eriksen : Because she's loyal, wears shiny belts, and I resemble a young Harrison Ford.

• Marshall Eriksen : I'm gonna have to wait till the results come in the regular mail. That could be weeks from now, if ever! Our mail carrier hates me ever since I asked her when the baby was due.

  Robin Scherbatsky : She wasn't pregnant?

  Ted Mosby : No, he was not.

• Marshall Eriksen : What about you, "Barney"? Okay, you... always...

  Barney Stinson : Interesting, interesting, everyone has annoying habits but me.

  Marshall Eriksen : Oh, got it. Okay, you sometimes talk in a weird high-pitched voice.

  Robin Scherbatsky : And you're constantly using lame catchphrases.

  Ted Mosby : And sometimes you space out and don't even pay attention to what we're talking about.

  Barney Stinson : I'm sorry. what? Oh, see? You can't think of anything cause I am awesome.

  Robin Scherbatsky : All three right the.