Corner Gas (TV Series)

The Eight Samurai (2007)

Fred Ewanuick: Hank Yarbo

Quotes 

• Hank Yarbo : There's a gas station in the city that's got this contest to win an awesome barbecue.

  Brent Leroy : Nice.

  Hank Yarbo : Some places give you a free car wash with every fill-up.

  Brent Leroy : Good deal.

  Hank Yarbo : This one place, hands out glasses with hockey team logos on 'em. Free!

  Brent Leroy : What a time to be alive.

  Hank Yarbo : How come you don't do stuff like that?

  Brent Leroy : Tell you what Hank. Go to my house, fire up the barbecue and make yourself a hot dog. Go into the kitchen cupboards, grab any glass you want and keep it. Grab the garden hose, wash you truck, all that stuff for free, providing, you pay for this tank of gas, today.

  Hank Yarbo : See? There's always a catch with you.

• Hank Yarbo : Hey, can I make Lacey's sling? The directions are right here in the book.

  Wanda Dollard : Fine, but there's three rules behind the bar. Shut up, don't annoy me, and shut up.

  Hank Yarbo : That doesn't make any sense. The first and third rule are the same.

  Wanda Dollard : Well, you broke all three.

• Oscar Leroy : [Hank brings Oscar a drink]  I order a scotch and soda.

  Hank Yarbo : Oh, too complicated. Try this.

  Oscar Leroy : [Oscar sips the drink]  I can't even taste the liquor.

  Hank Yarbo : It's got cinnamon, papaya, uh, cherry juice, lemon rind, Tom Collins mix, and... I may have forgot the booze.

• Emma Leroy : [on the phone]  Oh, good news. We just got a package from a town in Japan.

  Fitzy : [phone]  Really?

  Emma Leroy : Yeah, they want to twin with Dog River!

  Fitzy : I never thought we'd twin again after Henkenvyorken.

  [flashback to 5 years ago; Emma, Karen, Hank, Fitzy, and his Grandma are meeting in Emma's living room] 

  Emma Leroy : So next item, the gift for Henkenvyorken.

  Hank Yarbo : Oh, don't worry, I already sent them something.

  Karen Pelly : What?

  Hank Yarbo : Oh, just a little taste of Dog River. Some gasoline from Corner Gas, some fertilizer from the field and battery from my truck.

  [cut to the Mayor of Henkenvyorken opening the package] 

  Henkenvyorken Mayor : [in Danish]  It's a bomb! Clear the building! It's a bomb!

• [at the gas station, Wanda is putting on her jacket] 

  Brent Leroy : What, did it suddenly get cold in here?

  Wanda Dollard : I told you, I was leaving early!

  Brent Leroy : No you didn't.

  Wanda Dollard : I implied it by leaving early lots of other times!

  Hank Yarbo : You should have seen this coming.

  Wanda Dollard : I'm covering for Phil at the bar while he's on vacation.

  Brent Leroy : Wow, he must have been desperate!

  Wanda Dollard : Why would you say that? He was, but why would you say that?

  Hank Yarbo : Because bartenders are usually more sympathetic and friendly than you are.

  Wanda Dollard : Who asked you, doorknob?

• Hank Yarbo : [serving drinks]  Here you go, folks.

  Brent Leroy : What the hell are these?

  Hank Yarbo : Surf Dreams! Only, I couldn't find coconut so I used potatoes. I call them "Turf Dreams."

  Lacey Burrows : Why is it red?

  Hank Yarbo : Oh, that's ketchup, I couldn't find any grenadine.

• [Hank runs up to Wanda, who is on her way to her first shift as a bartender] 

  Hank Yarbo : Hey, Wanda! I'm about to make your day.

  Wanda Dollard : By going straight home without finishing this conversation?

  Hank Yarbo : No, check it out. This book has every drink imaginable. Help you be a better bartender!

  Wanda Dollard : [reading the cover]  "Mix It Up, Baby. Drinks for Swinging Cats." That's great if you want to get drunk and swing cats.

  Hank Yarbo : Oh no, c'mon! It's like, it's like art meets alcohol. It's like um, art-cohol!

  Wanda Dollard : No, people here like their old stand-by's. Rye and coke, rye and water, rye and ginger. Maybe I should order more rye.

  Hank Yarbo : That's just because they haven't had the option! They'll change their mind once they've tried

  [looking at the book] 

  Hank Yarbo : ah, gin and tonic!

  Wanda Dollard : [disgusted]  Together? Oof.

• Karen Pelly : So, what are we getting our Japanese twin town?

  Oscar Leroy : Hockey stick! It's Canadian.

  Karen Pelly : I know, but that's lame! It's like them sending us a samurai sword.

  Hank Yarbo : That would be lame. We should just do what we did last time.

  [cut to the Henkenvyorken Mayor's office, where everyone is panicking after Dog River's gift was mistaken for a bomb] 

  Henkenvyorken Staff #1 : [in Danish]  Why is Dog River trying to kill us?

  Henkenvyorken Mayor : [in Danish]  Just get out of the building! Get out of the building!

  [cut back to the Ruby] 

  Hank Yarbo : Okay, fine.

  [He pulls out a black ball with a wick, which looks identical like a cartoonish old-fashioned bomb] 

  Hank Yarbo : How about this novelty bowling ball candle?

  Karen Pelly : No.