- Uncle Teddy appears surprisingly stoic after a staggering personal loss, but finally bursts at the seams and has the gang cornered. Janet and Sheila's plan goes haywire and leaves a trail of destruction in its wake.
- Tommy and Cousin Mickey chat outside a church. Mickey says Teddy's upset because they were drinking at the funeral, and the Mass. And at this moment. They meet Teddy as he comes out of a meeting. Mickey tries to apologize, saying he wouldn't blame Teddy if he wanted to haul off and hit him. So Teddy hauls off and hits him. Then Teddy says Ellie was his fault. He started drinking again because he was miserable. And he shouldn't have let Ellie go pick up their yappie Pomeranian. Teddy tells them not to worry, he needs to straighten himself out. He hugs them both.
In the firehouse, Tommy tells Lou about Kelly's dead daughter. They finally understand why she ran in to get the box from the fire; it had all her mementos of her baby. Lou asks if Tommy got some. He says he held her, a psychologically healing process. And also he was totally turned on.
Tommy tells Lou not to tell anyone about Kelly's baby. Damian comes in and denies that he heard what they were talking about.
A hot young woman walks in, looking for Tommy. She approaches him coyly. They think it's a strip-o-gram. But instead she giggles, hands him something and says he's been served.
Divorce papers. Damian says it's about freaking time. "Yea," is all Tommy has to offer.
Lou waits for more, like Tommy's secret evil plan. Damian asks why Tommy'd care, since he's sleeping with Kelly. Damian knows because he called to ask her out and she told him. And, naturally, he told his mom Sheila.
Janet meets Sheila in a cafe. Sheila says they have a problem with an interloper. Janet's not worried about Tommy picking her, she says she just gave him a shove in the right direction by serving him with divorce papers. To which Sheila motions that she plans to serve him with her boobs. Janet stands to leave and Sheila tells her that Kelly lost a child. Janet sits back down.
Damian filled Sheila in. "So you see, it's not just a sex thing anymore," Sheila says. "It's a grief connection, just like he has with you and just like he has with me."
Sheila says they'll warn Kelly about Tommy, in the guise of kindness. Janet agrees.
Kelly welcomes Janet and Sheila, offering them wine. When Kelly goes to get dressed after pilates, the competition picks her apart. She comes back dressed like a vamp, in fabulous black boots and perfect little black dress. Sheila powers on, telling Kelly that Tommy's really screwed up and a bottomless pit of anger.
Kelly says she appreciates their concern, but, essentially, back off. She also mentions that she hasn't done anything with him yet, just something "private."
"He held me," Kelly says. Sheila and Janet are incredulous.
Kelly stands up to leave. And that's when Sheila says she's sorry about Kelly's daughter. When Kelly asks who told her that, Sheila says "who do you think?"
Outside, Janet and Sheila go back at it again, sauced and shoving. Sheila knocks Janet to the ground and she responds by throwing her shoe at her. And then Sheila picks up a brick and heaves it at the windshield of a nearby car.
Some poor guy on the street breaks it up and Kelly gets a good view of the action from her apartment as Sheila beats the guy back with a trash can lid.
Tommy comes to Kelly's. She tells him to leave and asks which one of the exes he told first. She tells him about the fight and calls Sheila "Joe Pesci with tits." She tells him his life is a circus and Sheila is the ring master.
Cut to Sheila walking into her romantically lit bedroom. Tommy comes out behind her and scares the crap out of her. He throws her on the bed and handcuffs her to the head board. He kisses her and says he doesn't know why it took him so long to figure out that she is the one.
He says he has a surprise for her as she basks in the glory of winning. He comes back in with her massive amount of pills from two different shrinks, three different doctors, etc. So it'd take two days to replace the pills and she'd go through withdrawals, he clarifies.
He takes her pills into the bathroom and burns them. Then he starts lighting matches and flicking them at her. She figures out she might not have won him after all. He sits down and holds her head. "Next time you want to take something that belongs to me and screw all the hope and breath and promise out of it, terror sweats will be the least of your problems," he tells her. Then he takes the handcuff key and puts it down her negligee and leaves her there.
Lou sits in a car with Tommy, telling him whatever they're doing is insanity. He reminds Tommy that kidnapping is a federal offense. Katie walks up to their car. She asks if they're kidnapping her. He says it's a bonding experience. She calls her mother a psycho and gets in the back seat without complaint. She locked the babysitter in the basement for her getaway and knocked the baby out with two Benadryl.
At the bar, the guys all hunker down for a staff-only drinking night. Tommy toasts Ellie. Mickey toasts Teddy. Eddie mentions that Teddy owes him $800 for the bag pipers at the funeral.
Teddy bangs on the door, all smiles. He orders 10 three-fingered glasses of Irish whiskey. When Teddy asks Eddie how he's doing, Eddie mentions the $800. To which Teddy takes a gun out of his pocket and puts it on the counter. He tells the guys if they won't go to AA, he'll bring AA to them.
He's just got one bullet. He tells Tommy to do a shot. Tommy does. Teddy says if he hadn't started drinking again, Ellie wouldn't have either. He tells Tommy to do another shot. And then another. Tommy says he's had enough, but Teddy orders him. The guys look on nervously. Teddy says he's decided the only way to make amends is to kill himself, but he quit drinking and doesn't have the nerve. He tells Tommy to do another shot. Then Teddy continues his plan, saying he'll give the gun to a drunk and maybe they'll do it for him. He tells Tommy to drink again. He checks that Tommy's feeling lightheaded.
Lou, Eddie, Black Shawn, Mike, Sean, Mickey, Franco and Needles wait quiet and nervous as Teddy talks about a guy they used to know who drank too much to kill himself. He likes his 1 in 5 odds with the revolver. He offers it to Tommy, asking him if he wants to do the honors. Tommy declines. So Teddy raises the gun and points it at Tommy and fires.
He hits Tommy in the shoulder, knocking him down. Teddy marvels at Tommy's bad luck. As the guys sit paralyzed Teddy clicks the trigger again and again until it fires and hits Tommy again in the shoulder. Needles goes to help him as Teddy takes another loaded gun out of his pocket -- one with 16 rounds left. The guys all raise their hands and fork over their cell phones when he tells them to. Teddy calls his shots by blasting bottles on the bar, warning them not to make a move or go for help. He says they're going to sit there for the next few hours and watch slowly Tommy slowly fade away.
He decides he was in denial, he does blame Tommy. He stands over Tommy, telling him about karma. Teddy says Tommy seems to do whatever he wants and nothing bad ever happens to him, just the people around him. "Have some ginger ale, boys, hopefully this is going to take awhile," Teddy says as he sits down at the bar and lights a cigar.
Lying on the floor, slowly bleeding, Tommy sees his dead cousin Jimmy, who tells him it'll all make sense on the other side.
Cut to Janet looking for Katie in her house and not finding her. She calls her phone and we see Katie and Colleen hanging out together. Then Damian finds his mom still cuffed to the bed, her face streaked with mascara and tears.
Then back to Teddy, smoking his cigar over Tommy as he slowly fades on the floor as blood pools out beneath him.
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