The Slammin' Salmon (2009)

Jay Chandrasekhar: Nuts

Photos 

Quotes 

• Guy : What'd you do last night, playboy?

  Nuts : I too had a wild night. I made sweet, hot love to an orangutan.

  Guy : Really? What'd that smell like?

  Nuts : Bananas mostly.

  [pauses] 

  Nuts : Guy, I'm pulling your leg, I did not fuck an orangutan last night.

• Dave : Why do they call you Nuts?

  Nuts : Because I'm crazy.

  Dave : You don't look crazy.

  Nuts : Oh I'm insane. You should see me without my meds. My last job, didn't take my meds one day... an hour later, I was walking around naked with peanut butter in my hair, telling people my name was Zongo. I delivered an old lady a cup of hot water with my balls in it.

  Dave : [laughs nervously]  Talk about your Red Zinger.

  Nuts : Yeah, but I don't remember any of it. My balls were red though.

  [thinks, chuckles] 

• Nuts : Hey noodledicks! These guys just ordered 4 rounds of premium tequila! Now are you gonna sit by and watch while these guys make you look like fucking pussies?

• Connor : [to the bartender]  This is for a pissed off movie star so give it some balls. Yeah that's it!

  Nuts : Hola diablo blancos! Zongo like vodka!