Kevin Connolly: Ryan Malloy

Quotes 

• Jennie Malloy : It's 10 AM, honey, shouldn't you be at college?

  Tiffany Malloy : [resolutely]  I am never going to school again.

  [front door opens, Ryan enters] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Hey, Ryan, what did you find out?

  Ryan Malloy : Sorry, Sis. Mum's the word. No-one's talking. Apparently, whatever you did was so terrible, no-one even wants to talk about it. Say, do you guys want to hear about how I beat up the Abominable Snowman this weekend?

  [no interest, but he continues] 

  Ryan Malloy : We started off...

  [mimicking fight] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Okay, look. I didn't want to do this, but I have to get back where I was.

  [picks up the box of chocalates] 

  Tiffany Malloy : I'm going back. Let's get ready to rum ball.

  [pops one into her mouth] 

• Tiffany Malloy : I don't remember anything after that. Ryan, how could you leave me alone in such a state?

  Ryan Malloy : You weren't alone. There was plenty of guys around, and everyone wanted to take care of ya.

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh, Ryan. What did I do? And what if I liked it? I mean, what if the demon rum unleashed some sort of strange deviant being inside of me, some sort of Ms. Hyde I've been repressing all of these years? What if I'm not Tiffany Malloy, good girl, but Tiffany Malloy, deranged sexaholic?

• Ryan Malloy : [jumping onto the couch from behind to sit next to her]  Some gene pool, huh?

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh, Ryan, I've got the gene. The whacko gene, the nympho gene, the chestnut mare gene. Grandma had it, Mom has it, and now it's alive in me. Oh, Ryan, I have to find out what I did while I was drunk on that rum ball, otherwise I'll never be able to look at myself in the mirror again, and that will make it really hard to put on eyeliner.

  Jack Malloy : [entering, coming over to the couch]  What's the matter, baby? You lose something?

  Tiffany Malloy : Maybe...

  [breaks down crying] 

• Ryan Malloy : So you're telling me that you don't remember me beating up the Abominable Snowman? I saved your life, he was attacking you!

  Cherri : I was making a snow angel and you jumped on me!

  Ryan Malloy : Yeah, and then right after that, the Abominable Snowman popped up.

  Cherri : He was more like the Abominable Snow*flake*, and he dissolved just as fast!

• Tiffany Malloy : Hi, Cherri.

  Cherri : I am, like, *so* not talking to you since the ski weekend. I mean, if you're gonna do that kind of stuff, for God's sakes, like, do it at home!

  [leaves in a huff] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh... Ryan, my best friend of the week won't talk to me, and... all the guys are leering at me like mustachioed old ladies at a Tom Jones concert.

  Ryan Malloy : Is he that old hound with the pelvic thrusts?

  Tiffany Malloy : No. No, that's Clinton.

• Tiffany Malloy : I can *never* go back to school again. I mean, who knows what I did when I was drunk on that rumball?

  Ryan Malloy : Come on, Tiffany, why don't you just cut loose and embrace the new you? I mean, apparently you were a lot of fun to hang out with for a change.

  Tiffany Malloy : "For a change?" You think that doing crosswords in ink isn't fun? You think that... that watching old movies and mouthing along the dialogue isn't fun? You think that playing Test My Vocabulary isn't *fun?* What world do you live in, Mister?