- P.J. Franklin: We gotta find you a best man.
- Bobby Newman: It's fine. We'll just do the ceremony without.
- P.J. Franklin: You can't do that. It's your big day. You need the support. I mean, look at all the best men available to you.
- Bobby Newman: How would I choose?
- Kenny Morittori: Ooo, foot race!
- Brendan Dorff: State capitals!
- Mike Callahan: Who can drink the most milk!
- P.J. Franklin: Or... you can have all three.
- Bobby Newman: I am curious to see this milk-drinking contest.
- Mike Callahan: I can be your DOF.
- Bobby Newman: What's a DOF?
- Mike Callahan: Deputy of Fun.
- P.J. Franklin: What is wrong with you?
- P.J. Franklin: Oh, good. Your mother's here.
- Bobby Newman: That is the first time anyone has ever said that.
- George Newman: Oh, hold onto your wallets, gentlemen. Last time I saw this woman it cost me fifty million dollars.
- Pamela Newman: Oh, is that you, George. I didn't recognize you without a whore on your arm.
- George Newman: Well, then, get over here!
- Bobby Newman: Ah, this is NICE.
- Bobby Newman: Hello, best men. You guys look great. And PJ - wow!
- P.J. Franklin: Thank you, though some credit goes to the dim lighting and the fact that we're surrounded by... thousands of gallons of wine.
- Andy Franklin: So... what's on your mind, son?
- Bobby Newman: I don't know. Maybe... maybe it's just cold feet, but I, uh... I'm really having second thoughts.
- Andy Franklin: About?
- Bobby Newman: The wedding.
- Andy Franklin: [exhales] So relieved. I thought you were having second thoughts about me as a minister.
- Bobby Newman: Now I kinda am.
- P.J. Franklin: Bobby, hey. What's... what's going on?
- Bobby Newman: I think I'm marrying the wrong woman.