- Ann Romano: [Schneider has learned from a lady friend that the apartment building is going condo] This is really a fine how-do-you-do, getting thrown out of our own place.
- Dwayne F. Schneider: Tell ya, Ms Romano, I'm gonna have to go, too. Helen told me that the new owners are gonna be using a maintenance service.
- Julie Cooper Horvath: Oh, Schneider.
- Dwayne F. Schneider: Well, not to worry. Actually, I've been itchin' to get into my camper and travel around rural America. I got enough money to last me the rest of my life. Or six months, whichever comes first.
- Ann Romano: Schneider, are you sure your lady friend knows what she's talking about?
- Dwayne F. Schneider: Ms Romano, there's two reasons why we can trust Helen: one, she's crazy about me; and two, she's a Notary Republic.
- Dwayne F. Schneider: The building's gonna be sold, and the new owners are gonna go condo.
- Barbara Cooper: Oh, no.
- Ann Romano: Condo? Schneider, that's terrible. Are you sure?
- Dwayne F. Schneider: Yeah, I'm positive.
- Julie Cooper Horvath: [they talk it over, letting the news sink in] Schneider, who's buying the building?
- Dwayne F. Schneider: What, are you kidding? Who else. Foreigners. We may put our flags out on the Fourth of July, but it's the Arabs and the Japanese who are singing, God Bless America.