- Brandon Sampson: But it never stops, Mom, the hate, people killing each other for no reason. What good is setting an example if no one ever follows it?
- Sheldon Sampson: I'm picking up radio anomalies outside Mars. It's a rogue comet. Mars' gravity must have knocked it off course. It's headed towards Earth.
- Grace Kennedy-Sampson: Hey, can you pick up the dry cleaning on the way home?
- Sheldon Sampson: Yeah, of course.
- George Hutchence: Look, I've known Sheldon my entire life, all right? The craziest thing the guy's ever done is choose Northwestern over Harvard so he could see more Cubs' games.