- Ross Malloy: Hi Mom.
- Jennie Malloy: Hi honey,
- Ross Malloy: I want a bicycle.
- Jennie Malloy: What do you need a bicycle for?
- Ross Malloy: It's too far to walk to the movies. I wanna see Showgirls.
- Jennie Malloy: Showgirls? Well, who's in it?
- Ross Malloy: The girl from Saved By The Bell.
- Jennie Malloy: Aw, you always liked her.
- [hands him the money]
- Jack Malloy: [after being caught by his children posing on the couch with Mr. Floppy] Lock the door on your way out.
- Tiffany Malloy: [to Ryan, as they go up the steps of the basement] At least he had his clothes on.
- Jack Malloy: [to Jennie] I can't say no to the kids. I mean, Ryan climbed on my lap and said we looked like brothers. And Tiffany looked at me with those big sad eyes and said "Whatever Daddy does is okay."
- [scoffs:]
- Jack Malloy: And you say she manipulates me?
- Jennie Malloy: Jack, aren't you scared to drive with the kids?
- Jack Malloy: Hey, at the used car lot I drive with drunks, crazies and foreigners every day. Worse, I drive with senior citizens, and worse still, I drive with Asian senior citizens. After that, nothing scares you!
- [scene shifts to Tiffany recklessly driving the car]
- Jack Malloy: Slow down, slow down, you're not going to beat the train!
- [railroad bell dings]
- Jack Malloy: No!
- [yells in panic]
- Jack Malloy: Tiffany! Slow down, slow down!
- Tiffany Malloy: Calm down, Daddy, it's the perfect time to speed, I don't have my license yet!
- [roadside carnage]
- Tiffany Malloy: Ooh. Besides, I'm in total control.
- [more roadside carnage]
- Tiffany Malloy: What does that sign say?
- Jack Malloy: Stop.
- Tiffany Malloy: Hah. Stop. At the speed I'm going?
- [consults rear view mirror to check up on hair]
- Tiffany Malloy: God, my hair is a mess. If a cop stops us...
- [to Ryan]
- Tiffany Malloy: You don't have a brush?
- Ryan Malloy: Yeah, I had a brush. A brush with death! Dad, did you see that? She's gonna get us killed.
- Jack Malloy: Yes, I saw it, that's why my eyes are closed.
- Ryan Malloy: [from back seat] Hey, c'mon, it's my turn to drive.
- Tiffany Malloy: I just started, I've only been driving ten minutes.
- Ryan Malloy: Yeah, but you covered three hundred miles.
- [leaning over front seat]
- Ryan Malloy: I'm bored. I wanna hear some music. I'm gonna turn the radio up.
- Tiffany Malloy: [yells] Oh my God!
- [brakes the car, comes to a screeching halt, causing two other cars to follow suit]
- Tiffany Malloy: Oh my God!
- [Ryan's face is squashed up against the windscreen, but he is not the reason for her concern]
- Tiffany Malloy: Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!
- [in elated awe]
- Jack Malloy: What is it? What is it?
- Tiffany Malloy: [gasping with joy, pointing] It's a sale on cashmere sweaters...!
- Jack Malloy: [completely ignoring Ryan's predicament] Tiffany, you're going to have to learn to pay attention. Driving is serious business.
- Tiffany Malloy: Well, you don't have to yell at me!
- [sobs]
- Tiffany Malloy: I think someone owes me an apology...!
- [voice trembling]
- Jack Malloy: I'm sorry, sweetheart, I just... I just overreacted.
- [coddles her, still ignoring Ryan]
- Ryan Malloy: [hollowly] Dad... I think I broke my nose.