Year One (2009)

Michael Cera: Oh

Photos 

Quotes 

• Oh : I'm a virgin by choice.

  Zed : Ha! Not *your* choice!

• Oh : I just want to lay with her so badly.

  Zed : I don't see it. I mean she's cute, but I don't think I'd lay with her.

  Oh : She's your sister. I mean, it would be like laying with your mother.

  Zed : Which was a *big* mistake, I see that now.

• [from trailer] 

  Zed : You could be my right-hand man.

  Oh : I've seen what you do with your right hand. No, thank you.

• Abraham : [addressing Zed, Oh, and Isaac]  Therefore, to signify my covenant with the one true God, I shall on this day circumcise the flesh of my penis. And of you. And you, and of you, and every male who dwelleth hereby.

  Zed : Excuse me?

  Oh : I don't know what you mean.

  Abraham : We shall grasp the foreskins of our penises, and we shall cut therefrom the extra flesh. Amen.

  Zed : Oh... I don't think I have any extra.

  Oh : Couldn't we pierce our ears or something?

  Abraham : No, no, no. So it shall be written, and so it shall be done.

  Zed : Let me get this straight. You're saying you have too much cock? And you wanna...

  [makes a cutting gesture. Abraham nods] 

  Zed : You know, Abe, it's been a long day, we've all had a lot to drink, and I know that this foreskin thing sounds like a good idea now, but you might wanna sleep on it. We can always cut it off in the morning. But if we do it now, there's just no way to get it back on there.

  Abraham : No, no, no, trust me, it's gonna be a very, very sleek look. This is gonna catch on. I'm gonna go get my good knife. Just wait right there. I'll be right back to cut your penises. Not the whole thing, you understand. Just the very tip. And after, we're all gonna have wine and sponge cake.

• [from trailer] 

  [Zed has eaten an apple from the 'Tree of Knowledge'] 

  Zed : I might know everything. Ask me something!

  Oh : Where does the sun go at night?

  Zed : Pass. Next question.

  Oh : Where do babies come from?

  Zed : Pass. Next question.

  Oh : [noticing a snake]  There's a snake on my foot.

  Zed : In the form of a question!

  Oh : [scared]  There's a snake on my foot?

  Zed : Correct!

• High Priest : Behind these doors is the Holiest of Holies, earthly domain of the gods. A place so ineffably sacred, so powerful, that he who enters... Instant death!

  Oh : Who cleans it?

• Oh : [on Cain killing Abel]  You were holding a rock and he ran into it with his face repeatedly until he just couldn't pull through.

• [from trailer] 

  Zed : [pointing to wheels]  What are these big, round things for?

  Cain : They're wheels, numbskull. They make the cart roll.

  [Zed and Oh are riding on the cart, with their arms in the air] 

  Oh : I feel like a bird!

• Oh : If we never ever see you again, it's not because we are avoiding you!

• [from trailer] 

  [a hunter knocks a bowl of berries out of Oh's hand] 

  Oh : Well, there won't be any berries in the fruit salad now, so we all lose.

• Oh : [Oh and Eema come back out after having sex]  She's not a virgin anymore!

  Eema : He's not a virgin either.

  Oh : I saved a life with my love making!

• Oh : [Zed and Oh are fleeing Abraham's camp to avoid being circumcised]  Do you have any idea where we're going?

  Zed : Yup, we're going to Sodom. We have to save Maya and Eema.

  Oh : [referring to Abraham]  But he said that God was gonna smite Sodom with holy fire.

  Zed : Yeah? God also told him to chop off the tip of his dick.

  Isaac : [screaming in the distance]  Dad, no! No!

  Oh : So listen, I've been thinking, what constitutes the tip of the penis? Because his definition might not be the same as mine. Like, what if the tip is your favorite part?

  Zed : The tip is your *only* part.