- Eleanor Waldorf: Blair, you haven't touched your food. My darling what has gotten into you?
- Blair Waldorf: Well, I was going to wait until after dinner but I guess now is as good as time as any. Did you call daddy and say that I didn't want to see him this thanksgiving?
- Eleanor Waldorf: Of course not! What a ridiculous accusation.
- Blair Waldorf: So you didn't tell him that I was so angry at him for leaving, that I didn't even wanna talk to him today? You would know not to invite him.
- Eleanor Waldorf: When are you gonna get it through your head, he left us.
- Blair Waldorf: He didn't leave us, he left you.
- Eleanor Waldorf: That's enough! That's enough. If you wanna take this up with me we can discuss it later after our guests have left. Right now you either eat or you leave the table.
- Blair Waldorf: I told you I'm not hungry!
- Eleanor Waldorf: Or maybe dessert will change your mind.
- Blair Waldorf: Where's daddy's pie? I don't see his pumpkin pie.
- Eleanor Waldorf: Well, there was so many delicious choices coming from the caterer, we just sent that one down to the doorman. What is thanksgiving afterall? Now choose one of those amazing desserts.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Mom is such a hypocrite. And all these years, she's been riding me about my behavior.
- Eric van der Woodsen: And here, she's just mad at you for being her.
- Dan Humphrey: And all this time my dad has been giving me advice based on a girl he dated... a girl "a lot like Serena."
- Jenny Humphrey: Her mom.
- Blair Waldorf: If you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean, only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your step dads.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Blair, can we not talk about my mom's appetite?
- Dan Humphrey: No, or who satisfied her.
- Serena van der Woodsen: That's just...
- Serena van der Woodsen, Eric van der Woodsen, Dan Humphrey, Jenny Humphrey: Gross!
- Serena van der Woodsen: Wait, you slept with him?
- Blair Waldorf: Shh!
- Serena van der Woodsen: Blair!
- Blair Waldorf: What happened to no judging?
- Serena van der Woodsen: I'm not, but I thought you wanted to wait. I thought you wanted to make things special.
- Blair Waldorf: Oh, so Nate gets the free pass and I'm the slut?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Tell me you didn't sleep with Chuck for revenge.
- Blair Waldorf: Well, it wasn't because I liked his natural musk. Besides, nothing hurts more than sleeping with the best friend, right, S?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Way to prove a point.
- Blair Waldorf: I mean, who gets wasted on Thanksgiving?
- Serena van der Woodsen: [more than a little bit tipsy] The holidays are lonely for people. I wanted to keep them company. Whoo hoo!
- Blair Waldorf: Your mom is freaking out, so my mom is freaking out.
- Serena van der Woodsen: What? Which means you freak out? Blair, just cut the cord, go nuts, come on, let's do shots! Come on!
- Blair Waldorf: I told Lily that you were buying a pie.
- Serena van der Woodsen: [suddenly craves food] Ooh, pie!
- Blair Waldorf: Where is your purse?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Uhh, my purse?
- Blair Waldorf: Oh, great, all right. You stay here, okay. I'm gonna go look. Don't drink or hit on anything.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Mom is such a hypocrite and all these years she's been writing me about my behavior.
- Eric van der Woodsen: And here she's just mad at you for being her.
- Dan Humphrey: And all the time my dad has given me this advice based on this girl he dated, this girl a lot like Serena.
- Jenny Humphrey: It's her mom.
- Blair Waldorf: When you think about it, it makes total sense that your mom was a groupie. I mean only a woman that had completely satisfied her sexual appetite in her youth would ever marry your step-dads.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Blair can we not talk about my mom's appetite?
- Dan Humphrey: Yeah, or, or who satisfied them.
- Serena van der Woodsen: It's just...
- Dan Humphrey: So...
- Jenny Humphrey, Eric van der Woodsen: Gross!
- [Jenny and Eric say in unison]
- Serena van der Woodsen: Yeah!
- Jenny Humphrey: No...
- [first lines]
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] As per Gossip Girl's Thanksgiving tradition, I'm trading in my laptop for stovetop. And for the next 16 hours, the only thing I'm dishing is seconds. When the cat's away, the mice will play. Have fun, little rodents.
- Serena van der Woodsen: [still merrily tipsy after her bath] Oh, how do I smell now?
- Nate Archibald: Uh, you smell fantastic, but you might want to stop asking people that.
- Harold Waldorf: Serena, you look wonderful. That shirt was made for you.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Actually, it was made for you.
- Harold Waldorf: I knew there was a reason I liked it.
- Alison Humphrey: Just in time! I thought you were gonna bring pie.
- Dan Humphrey: I did, but it kinda got run over by a taxi as I was trying to help this girl stay out of traffic.
- Alison Humphrey: Oh well, who needs dessert when we have a real-life hero in our midst?
- [to Jenny:]
- Alison Humphrey: Your brother just saved a girl.
- Jenny Humphrey: I thought you had to be near a girl for that to happen.
- Dan Humphrey: [sits down with sigh] Not just any girl - the girl.
- Jenny Humphrey: [as she walks out] Oh, the blonde you stalk at school?
- Dan Humphrey: Just the one.
- Alison Humphrey: A thing for blondes? You are your father's son!
- Dan Humphrey: Not just any blonde. Apparently, I like the ones who get drunk on Thanksgiving and almost die.
- Alison Humphrey: Well, your Dad liked them dangerous and troubled too.
- Dan Humphrey: [incredulous tone] You were dangerous?
- Alison Humphrey: Who said I was talking about me?
- Dan Humphrey: Well, I didn't realize there was anyone else.