The Office (TV Series)
Money (2007)
Steve Carell: Michael Scott
Photos
Quotes
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Michael Scott : [to the entire office] I declare... BANKRUPTCY!
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[In the conference room, the office workers are discussing the correct use of 'whoever' vs. 'whomever']
Kevin Malone : I know what's right, but I'm not gonna say because you're all jerks who didn't come see my band last night.
Ryan Howard : Do you really know which one is correct?
Kevin Malone : I don't know.
Pam Beesly : It's 'whom' when it's the object of the sentence and 'who' when it's the subject.
Phyllis Lapin : That sounds right.
Michael Scott : Well, it sounds right, but is it?
Stanley : How did Ryan use it, as an object?
Ryan Howard : As an object.
Kelly Kapoor : Ryan used *me* as an object.
Stanley : Is he right about that...?
Pam Beesly : How did he use it again?
Toby Flenderson : It was... Ryan wanted Michael, the subject, to explain the computer system, the object...
Michael Scott : Thank you!
Toby Flenderson : ...to whomever, meaning us, the indirect object... which is the correct usage of the word.
Michael Scott : No one asked you anything ever, so whomever's name is Toby, why don't you take a letter opener and stick it into your skull.
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Oscar : Hey. I just wanted you to know that you can't just say the word "bankruptcy" and expect anything to happen.
Michael Scott : I didn't say it. I declared it.
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Jan Levinson-Gould : So, I forgot to tell you that I need the car tonight.
Michael Scott : Oh, actually I need the car.
Jan Levinson-Gould : Why? For improv? Why don't you just pretend that you have a car?
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Michael Scott : Yes. Money has been a little bit tight lately, but at the end of my life, when I'm sitting on my yacht, am I gonna be thinking about how much money I have? No. I'm gonna be thinking about how many friends I have and my children and my comedy albums.
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Creed Bratton : Hey, coz. Heard you're having money problems.
Michael Scott : No, you didn't.
Creed Bratton : Listen, I got the answer. You declare bankruptcy, all your problems go away.
Creed Bratton : [in confessional] Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to
[holds up a fake passport]
Creed Bratton : William Charles Schneider.
Michael Scott : How would that help, Creed? In Monopoly, you go bankrupt, you lose.
Creed Bratton : You don't go by Monopoly, man. That game is *nuts*. Nobody just pick up Get Out of Jail Free cards. Those things cost thousands.
Michael Scott : That is a good point.
Creed Bratton : Bankruptcy, Michael, is nature's do-over. It's a fresh start. It's a clean slate.
Michael Scott : Like the Witness Protection Program.
Creed Bratton : [simultaneously] Exactly.
Oscar Martinez : [simultaneously] Not at all.
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Ryan Howard : What I really want, honestly, Michael, is for you to know it so that you can communicate it to the people here, to your clients, to whomever.
Michael Scott : [chuckles] Okay.
Ryan Howard : What?
Michael Scott : It's 'whoever', not 'whomever'.
Ryan Howard : No, it's 'whomever'.
Michael Scott : No, 'whomever' is never actually right.
Jim Halpert : Well, sometimes it's right.
Creed Bratton : Michael is right. It's a made-up word used to trick students.
Andy Bernard : No. Actually, 'whomever' is the formal version of the word.
Oscar Martinez : Obviously it's a real word, but I don't know when to use it correctly.
Michael Scott : [to camera] Not a native speaker.
Kevin Malone : I know what's right, but I'm not gonna say because you're all jerks who didn't come see my band last night.
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Michael Scott : I was never in this for the money. But it turns out that the money was an absolute necessity for me.
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[Michael strides briskly into the office, casually tossing his overcoat at Pam in reception]
Michael Scott : Coat!
Pam Beesly : [to camera] Michael just rented "The Devil Wears Prada". He has his Netflix sent here to the office, and he watches them in pieces when things are slow.
[Michael is sitting alone in his office]
Michael Scott : STEAK? WHERE'S MY STEAK?
Pam Beesly : [to camera] He's a big Meryl Streep fan, so I shouldn't be surprised that he's identified with her character.
Michael Scott : [to Pam; in a stuffy accent] Get me Armani.
Pam Beesly : A suit?
Michael Scott : On the phone.
Pam Beesly : Like the main company number? Because I'm gonna have to call information.
Michael Scott : Where's Armani? He's on the phone. Too slow. You are not going to Paris. I'm so much better than you are.
[breaks into laughter]
Michael Scott : [the next day, Michael walks into the office slowly, as if he's realized something he did was horrible last night]
Michael Scott : [low; to Pam] I owe you an apology.
Pam Beesly : [realizing] You finished the movie!
Michael Scott : Yeah. It was awesome. Big surprise ending. Won't ruin it for you.
Pam Beesly : No. Go ahead.
Michael Scott : Meryl Streep is the bad guy. Never see it coming. Anyways, if I was mean in any way to you, I am sorry. I just want what's best for you, Mo Chuisle.
Pam Beesly : [to camera] Mo Chuisle. He's watching "Million Dollar Baby".
[beat]
Pam Beesly : He's gonna try to kill me.
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Figgero : This is a trading game. You give a quick pitch, you make the sale, you move on. That's how Vikram does it.
Michael Scott : Vikram doesn't have my people skills.
Figgero : Good for Vikram, because he outsells you every night.
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Michael Scott : I tried to live the dream. I tried to have a job, a girlfriend, another job, and I failed. But the good thing about the American dream is that you can just go to sleep and try it all again the next night.
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Oscar : Michael, are you having money problems?
Michael Scott : Monkey problems? No, I'm not having monkey problems. Why would I have monkey problems?
Oscar : I know you heard me correctly.
Michael Scott : [sighs] Oh, I hate monkeys.
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[last lines]
Michael Scott : Don't sell your implants, please.
Jan Levinson : I'm keeping them. I know you like them.
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Michael Scott : Used to have two cars, traded them in. Now we're down to one. Good economic sense, although the new car's a Porsche, for her.
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Michael Scott : Hey, guys. What you talking about? Okay. I know what's going on. You're talking about Jim and Pam, if they're having sex, what it looks like, and I think...
Pam Beesley : Michael.
Michael Scott : Hey, hey, hey.
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Michael Scott : Hey, congrats on the bonus.
Vikram : Thank you, Michael.
Michael Scott : I'm gonna nab it one of these nights.
Vikram : Well, if you concentrate and make your calls faster, yeah.
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Oscar : Michael, I'm gonna set you and Jan up with a debt consolidator, you'll meet with this guy, you...
Michael Scott : Ugh... no, no, no, we are gonna leave Jan out of this.
Oscar : She has to know!
Michael Scott : We will find another way! We'll ask Powerpoint.
Oscar : Michael this is a presentation tool.
Michael Scott : *You* are a presentation tool, if you think I'm gonna tell Jan about this
[Oscar gets up to leave]
Oscar : I'm done.
Michael Scott : No, you're not. Ok. You're not a tool.
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Michael Scott : [to his Indian co-worker] What's a dollar worth in your land? Medical school must cost like 40 bucks or a donkey or something.